Little Mrs. Tilley

2011-05-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

Lorelei drew this little house. I thought it was cute.

tete Cait

2011-05-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

We miss our Tete Cait a lot. She has become one of the most important people in our lives over the past couple of years. We've helped one another through a lot, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. She is an incredible woman, a beautiful mother, and even even better Tete. Lorelei and Addison are so blessed to have her in their lives. And even more blessed that she puts up with them. ;)

We ♥ you, Tete!!

duck, duck, eeewww.

2011-05-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

It's becoming somewhat of a tradition to take the girls to English Springs park whenever we're in town to meet up with Uncle Justy. It's a great park with lots of grass and playgrounds, and the best part- the duck pond. While I think its disgusting, the girls find it amazing. With each visit our time is taken up with feeding the ducks our snacks, lots of running and playing tag, and a few too many close calls when the girls get too close to the pond's edge. While they'd be just fine if they fell in the shallow water, their stench would be much worse than words could explain. In fact, we could just ask my sister, Caitlyn, about that one. I believe she took a swim in that very pond.

Lorelei sits quietly holding out crumbs of bread and crakers to the ducks. I believe she thinks she will make friends with them and get to bring them home with her if she can convince them to get close enough.

Addison, on the other hand, finds much more joy in chasing them and scaring them to death. One time I asked her what she would do if she caught one. Her reply, "I'm gonna squish 'em and shake 'em!" She sort of reminds me of Elmira from Looney Tunes. She loves animals to death. Possibly very much more literally than we'd all like.

The first time we went to this park with Uncle Justy, Addison was about a year and a half old. She went running after everything that moved, keeping Uncle Justy on his game since I put him in charge of chasing after her. At one point, she bent down and was playing in the mud- and by 'mud' I mead dirt with a high concentration of duck fecal matter- by the pond. When Uncle Justy scooped her up into his arms, she took a handful of 'mud' and smeared it into his mouth and on his face. Eeeewwwwww.

sheesh, these faces

2011-02-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

"Mom, you make a serious smile and I'll make a funny face because myyy funny faces are wonderful."

Lorelei Jade

2011-02-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

♥ This is my Lorelei Jade. ♥

♥Perfect in every single way. ♥

♥ I love all of her funny poses ♥

♥ him

2011-02-14T01:09:00.000-08:00

I love this man so much. Words won't express it well enough. I sometimes think my actions fall much to short in showing him. he means the world to me and I cannot fathom what my life would be like without him in it. He is so much of who I am. He makes me 'me'. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel valuable and respected. He makes me feel like I am somebody. he makes me feel safe and secure. He loves me more than I thought anybody could love. I'm such a lucky girl to have him.

sometimes-

2011-02-14T01:05:00.000-08:00

i might call my kids Bobbleheads.

and people still ask me why.

alet- i mean, alex

2011-02-14T00:53:00.001-08:00

This picture was taken back in October (I told you I'm super good at updating my blog in a timely manner). Lorelei sounded out her Tete (auntie) Alex's name all by herself and wrote it. I was pretty impressed that she thought of it, sounded it out and wrote it so nicely. She's amazing. I didn't even know she knew the letter "x". And my favorite part is her little practice "x" up in the corner. Even now she has trouble with those little stinkers because she can't always figure out how to keep them from looking like t's. :) I love her!!

:)

2011-02-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

this picture makes me laugh.

say it's not so, Doc.

2011-02-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

The girls love playing doctor. LOVE it. I was going through pictures and came across this one and thought I'd post it. Addison had received a little doctor's kit for her birthday so we spend several days taking turns being the patient. In this particular picture-

Lorelei-"Hello. I can make you feel better because I'm a wonderful doctor. I'm doctor Lorelei Jade Tilley. You should tell me what doesn't feel good and I will make you better."

Me-"Everything hurts. Can you fix it?"

Lorelei (matter of fact like)-"Yes. I can. I'm pretty sure it's your tummy. I'll just take a look."

..... I lay down and expose my stomach...she shoves her toy into my belly button and exclaims, "ohhh no. i just knew it."

Me-"What is it?"

Lorelei-"I just knew that you had lady bugs in there! But don't worry. I think I can get them out by tickling you."

Tired of all the arguing over who would be the doctor, I convinced them to both be doctors who are sick so they can fix one another. I then had to convince Lorelei that doctors do indeed get sick (ten minutes wasted). This is what I got.

2011-02-09T22:40:00.001-08:00

There are a lot of things about Lorelei Jade that amaze me. I mean, things that leave me seriously astounded at her little tiny self. Today is no different. One of my favorite things about her is that she really listens. Even when you wouldn't expect her to, or when you hope she isn't... she's always listening.

Sometimes, this is a very tricky thing to work around. For instance, one evening Christopher and I were having a conversation between ourselves while Lorelei was apparently in ear shot. We were discussing 'gender swaying', as my sister and brother in law really wanted to have a girl- and succeeded. Something was said about male sperm not living as long as female sperm, so timing must be key. When trying for a girl, you almost have to make sure all the male sperm will be dead before ovulation occurs, then all that are left are female. Well, Lorelei heard and understood enough to ask more questions. "Mom, why do the boys die? Who wants them to be dead? How come girls live longer? Mom, what are sperms?"

Tonight, however, was a much different experience. She was listening all the same, but the questions I got asked were so wonderful and the discussion even sweeter. On our way home from a day in Fresno I had some music playing while the girls slept. I was borrowing my friends' car and thus had her music. I was pleasantly surprised as I grabbed a random CD and threw it in the player. Jennifer Knapp came on. I hadn't listened to her in years and years (yes, unfortunately, I am old enough to use phraseology that includes a double stated 'years') but always loved this particular album. Song after song played. Track 12 began to play and I was immediately reminded of how much I loved the lyrics. The song is called

Faithful to Me

All the chisles I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

While I thought Lorelei was sleeping, she was in fact listening. Very carefully listening. She made this clear when she softly spoke, "Mom, this is the most beautiful song. I love when she sings the words about her reaching out her weary hand. It's just so beautiful." I asked her what she thought Jennifer Knapp was singing about and what the word weary meant. Lorelei explained, "The song words are about being tired and knowing God will always help us to be strong and He will show us a way to be brave even if we are a little bit scared because He will always take care of us either way. That's what faith is mom and she is singing about faith."

She asked to listen to this song over and over again. To which I obliged. She then began to ask questions like, "What is a chisel? What is an idol? Why would anyone want to carve one? Is carving idols hard work? I bet that's why she has weary hands." (I had to laugh at that one) "what does it mean when when she says they all wash away? Does she want God to be faithful to her? Does everybody have to search very much to find God to ask Him to be faithful to us too? What is a trial? What does reconcile mean?"

In times like this I am so thankful God helps me explain things to her. I feel like I am never without a great answer that's just perfect for her to understand. Not due to any credibility on my part. He just meets me where I fall short.

Of parenting, thus far, tonight has been one of my favorite Mother/Daughter times. I am so thankful for Lorelei and all the different aspects she brings to my life. I wanted to pull the car over, get her out of her car seat and just hug her. I love her precious little heart. I love how sensitive she is, and how intent she is to understand everything.

Her last comments about the song were precious. As we pulled up to park the car, she asked me, "Do you think Daddy would love this song too? I think he will because I know sometimes he is tired and he always loves us so so much and God loves him so so much too. This song is my favoritest song, and Daddy is my favoritest daddy. I will ask him to put this song on my iPod when he gets to come to California too."

Pumpkin Patch 2010

2011-02-07T23:36:00.000-08:00

Because I am horribly at staying up to date on my blogging, here are some pics from last October. I know, you're mad that they're so old. But, when you see how cute they are, you'll quickly get over it. Or not. Whatever.

♥

2011-02-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite pictures ever.

bed buddies

2011-02-01T22:06:00.000-08:00

This picture brings so much joy to my heart because it sums up Addison's friendship with Bella so well. Sometimes, I wonder if Addison even realizes Bella is our pet, and different than human friends. If she does understand it, I'm pretty sure she would argue that 'different' may as well mean 'better'.

robert elliott

2011-02-01T21:48:00.000-08:00

I know favoritism is bad. I get that. However, for some reason, Elliott is my girls' favorite cousin. Well, Lorelei's, at least. I don't know why, but she seems to care about Elliott differently than any other cousin. They are best little friends and play so great together. Lorelei gets so excited every time she gets to see him.

I will never forget the first time Elliott got to come visit us up at Hume Lake for the week. It was summer of 2009. Lorelei was 2, Elliott was 3. Almost every night, without fail, I would hear them awake in the middle of the night. I would go towards the kids' bedroom and hear them chatting away about all sorts of little kid stuff. Quiet conversation in the dark.

I think their bonding started long before that, however. I loved when we went to South Carolina to see Evan (Elliott's dad) graduate from basic training in December of '08. We got to have Elliott fly with us, and it was so much fun. Elliott and Lorelei would talk about the funniest things in their little person voices. I remember thinking how blessed she was to have such a great little cousin she was already so close with.

As Addison has come into the picture and gotten old enough to keep up with Elliott and Lorelei, she, too has much the same relationship with him. I pray that never changes. ♥

little tiny loves

2011-02-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

Addison isn't that into babies. I think she's still not quite old enough to care since it wasn't all that long ago that she, too, was a wiggly, vomiting, crying bundle of joy. She was much more interested in her Uncle Loren (Lolen, as she called him for a while).

Kashton is the only baby that has ever had her attention. She just wanted to lay with him and do tummy time. We got her to sort of hold him, and this is what she did. :) So sweet.

Then, in the middle of the night she would even wake up crying for Baby Kashy. As annoying as that was, I couldn't help but think it was precious too. I look forward to the special bond my girls will have with him as they all grow up.

they meet at last

2011-02-01T21:26:00.000-08:00

Lorelei finally got to meet Kashton a little over a week ago. She has waiting for this day for a very long time. Before we knew Kashton was a 'he', Lorelei called him Tai Chi, and even now she calls him that. She loves her little cousin so much. She was so thrilled to be big enough to hold him and kiss him. She would talk in a sweet little tiny voice, "Hi Baby Tai Chi. You're my baby cousin."

It's so fun to sit back and watch her love on such a tiny person. She loves him with such a big love. One I have rarely seen from her. It's almost as if she's proud to call Kashton hers. And why wouldn't she be?

bella and kashy

2011-02-01T21:20:00.000-08:00

Bella loves babies. Especially this one. Kashy is by far her favorite. Any time she is around babies, she gets as close to them as she can and just snuggles right up to them. If they're in a swing or a car seat, she'll sit right next to them, almost as if she is guarding them. I think she understands that they are small and fragile, needing extra special care and love.

i heart my kashy

2011-01-27T15:54:00.000-08:00

Kashton

This is my newest little nephew. I love this little man so much and I am so thankful for the time I have gotten to cuddle with him. He is so sweet and smiley, and his laughter is to die for. He melts my whole heart.

sleep over

2011-01-16T18:55:00.000-08:00

Lorelei went for her first sleep over tonight. She's just across the street at the Hinton's house with Addy, Shay and Emmy. She was so excited, and even though I was a little sad she is big enough for this, I am excited for her. She helped me pack her Thomas backpack with pajamas, some clothes for tomorrow and things like that. She also threw in some very random toys that she never plays with. She's so funny and I love her so much! I can hardly wait until tomorrow when I get to hear all about her night.

Putting Addison into bed tonight, I must admit I missed Lorelei's nightly, "Good night! Sweet Dreams! I love you!" just as I begin to shut their bedroom door.

She kept posing over and over. Then she told me, "K, when I come back I'll look at all of the pictures and tell you which one is the bestest one."

AddyBaby

2011-01-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

We went to the bark park the other day to get Bella out of the house and let her run around. We brought a soccer ball for Bella to play with, but she didn't get much of a turn because sweet little long legged Addison commandeered the ball. I was so impressed with her ability to dribble the soccer ball all over the place. She did so with flawless precision. I really need to get it on video because she does it so quickly and it seems so natural.

In this picture, Bella ran past Addison so fast that it knocked her down. She landed right on top of the ball (as you can see) and laid there laughing by herself. She thought it was so funny that she fell. Too bad all kids aren't like this, right?

Since day one, Addison has had this interest in music that I've never seen in a child. Music has this effect on Addison that you have to see to believe. Which is why this picture isn't surprising at all. I had turned some music on while I was cleaning the house. I came into the living room to find this. She was so content to just lay there, uninterested in anything else going on around her. She just wanted to lay here and listen. And that's what she did for over an hour.

There's nothing incredibly special about this picture. I snapped it on my phone one night when we were out to dinner. I think she just looks so stinking cute in her little beanie and layered shirts. I wish I could remember what she was saying right in this moment. I love this little girl with my whole heart.

girlie girl

2011-01-16T18:01:00.000-08:00

These three little pictures sum Lorelei up very well. She always puts a lot of work into how she looks. -a quality that will be a battle in just a few short years. She is all girl, and everything has to be pretty. If it's not pretty, it needs to be sparkly. If it's not sparkly, it needs to be twirly. If it's not twirly, it needs to be spinny. And if all else fails, well, it just can't fail.

She came to the grocery store with me to grab a few goodies for her birthday. Before we walked out the door she grabbed her striped gloves because some of the stripes matched her pink shirt and that would look "very beautiful'. Then she grabbed her pink sparkly sunglasses because they would keep the sun out of her eyes in case it's bright outside, and that would be "sooo wonderful!" I'm a big fan of letting the girls dress themselves as much as possible. I started thatreally early with lorelei, and some days she walked around looking like a mini version of Punky Brewster mixed with some Little Orphan Annie. While other days she impeccably matched things together in ways I had never thought of. Over time she has fined tuned her attire choosing abilities, and she loves what she wears. I don't blame her.. most days. :)

I know I wasn't there the day she was born, but I'm fairly certain she was born wearing a tutu. She has been in love with all things ballet since she was teeny tiny. She practices ballet all throughout the house. She watches herself in the mirror as she quietly talks herself through the motions, "Coupé, retiré, plié...". She is so beautiful and has such control for a little person who's never taken any serious dance lessons. I do believe those are right around the corner. (yes, she has her ballet slippers crammed into plastic princess heels)

She came to me dressed like this and announced very proudly, "Okay, Mom. This is as fancy as it gets." Not too shabby little one. Not to shabby at all.

Lorelei's birthday

2011-01-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

Lorelei turned 4. She is officially a kid. Gone are the days of toddlerhood. I love the little person she is becoming. She is so grown up and eager to do big girl things. She helps with laundry, dishes, cooking. She can shower and brush her teeth all by herself. She astounds me every single day with the new things she does and says. Her facial expressions are so mature, as is her attitude.

For her fourth birthday she wanted a Fancy Nancy party. Then she changed her mind and wanted a Princess party. I'm not much for the whole Disney thing, so we did a fancy dress up Princess party. We invited our favorite little friends and had a great time.

They girls worked together to get all dressed up. Then we made our own candy bracelets, and that was so much fun. After the bracelets we made our own ice cream sundaes (parfaits, as Fancy Nancy calls them). A little messy, but the girls loved having to much say as they created their own little treat.

When it came time to open gifts, Lorelei let everyone help her. I was surprised as the actual act of unwrapping presents excites her more than what's inside. It was so fun to watch all the girls get excited with Lorelei.

We are so blessed to have Addy, Shay and Emmy right across the street. I think we'd have lost our sanity a long time ago if it weren't for them. They make being away from our families a lot easier.

Happy Birthday Lorelei Jade!!

Christopher helping Lorelei get her birthday crown on.

Addison was so excited to get dressed up for the party. I think she did a great job putting together a 'fancy' outfit

Lorelei helping Shay get dolled up

So thankful to have lots of little girl friends

Making candy bracelets.

Addison showing off hers

Addy with her pretty creation

Shay showing me how hers matches her dress

She was really proud of her little bracelet.

Build your own ice cream sundaes.

All the girls took a few bites and were off to other activities. No surprise, Addison was there for the long haul. "I not finished mines ice cream yet!" she kept saying.

Blowing out her candle on her special individual cake.

Lorelei let everyone help her open presents, which was so adorable.

A special-made birthday card from Grandma and Grandpa.

Playing with all the loot.

Her Birthday Barbie from Uncle Even Army and Tete Becca- Complete with matching tiaras. Such a special present.

luff luv love

2011-01-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

This picture of Lorelei astounds me. She has beauty that I just can't get over. Her eyes are incredible, and to be honest, I envy her a little bit.

Vivacious.

That's the word to describe this little person. Absolutely full of life and laughter at every moment and every turn. I cannot imagine a day without her silliness in my life.

go big or go home. or something like that

2010-12-24T22:40:00.000-08:00

Christopher, being the amazing dad that he is, had this great idea. He wanted to build the girls an indoor play house. He's a genius because its too cold to play outside most days and Lorelei and Addison are at such a fun make believe sort of age. They make houses out of anything they can while taking turns being mommy and baby. They play house together every day and its the sweetest thing.

My only problem with the play house is that it has to be in one of the common areas of the house. I don't know why, but toys in living areas really irritate me. No, I mean, it really irritates me. I'm growing though. Or at least I think I am.. or I think I want to grow. I'm not completely sure yet. However it needs to be said, I decided to just go for it. I'm going to let there be toys and kid things downstairs and I'm going to be okay with it. To show my full commitment to change and get over my ridiculousness, I decided to embrace the concept of 'go big or go home'.

So here you have a few pictures of the enormous house that now takes up a giant chunk of otherwise useless space on the far side of our living room.

Christopher did a great job building the frame so I would have something to base measurements off of

Helping me figure out the best way to sew it together during one of the 'phases' of creation

Finally starting to look like a house!

Here it is basically finished, complete with sky lights and all. Their little kitchen fits inside with plenty of room to spare for little chairs, table, baby doll stuff. You name it.

We had to move the Christmas tree out of the way to set it up where we needed it to go. The fun part is that I am going to have the girls help me make accessories to velcro to the outside, like flowers and bushes, and whatever else they want. Felt is one of the most kid friendly fabrics everywhere and I know they will love decorating the outside as well as the inside with all the fun little pieces we will come up with. I'll be sure to post those pictures as well.

2010-12-24T07:21:00.000-08:00

With the freezing temperatures outside, we spend a lot of time indoors. Lately the girls' favorite thing to do is build with their soft blocks. These are the greatest blocks ever! They're made of a really cool foam, and the girls Love them. We got them from Johnny and Catherine a long time ago, and boy have them come in handy. They love for Christopher to build them all sorts of towers and castles for them to play with. Granted, I think they love knocking the blocks down more than anything else.

thanks Grandma Archer!

2010-12-24T06:59:00.000-08:00

Grandma Archer got the girls an adorable little porcelain tea set. The best part was that it came with special paint for them to decorate the pieces with however they wanted. The project was a little mature for the girls, but they had a great time all the same.

I wasn't able to get very many pictures because my flash wasn't working well enough. We put the tea set up for a while until the girls are a little older since it was very breakable. But they did a great job painting each piece (inside and out!). Plus, they hardly painted the table or themselves at all, so I was pretty happy. :)

hypothetically...

2010-12-24T06:45:00.000-08:00

Chris can't have babies. But for the sake of this post we're going to play the hypothetic game. Hypothetically, let's say he could have babies. And since it's a game, lets go a little further and say he could have them all by himself without using any one else's genetic material. Do you know what that hypothetical child would look like?

(keep scrolling)

Lorelei Jade

She looks just like her daddy, and I ♥ that. When we were first talking about our future and kids, Christopher always said he wanted girls. I wanted kids that looked just like him. God is good.

it's a serious thing

2010-12-24T06:38:00.001-08:00

We went to dinner the other night at Chik-Fil-A. Well, Chic-O'lay, if you ask Addison to say it. The girls each got ice cream and I snapped these pics on my phone real fast. I think they turned out so funny. Lorelei wasn't posing and had no idea I was taking a picture. Every time I look at her face I laugh. She's so serious about her ice cream.

2010-12-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken with the hipstamatic app on my phone. I pointed my phone in her direction and tried to get her to smile. Instead she burst into tears.

bella bella

2010-12-21T21:14:00.000-08:00

you know how there are those dogs who don't realize they're dogs? here's one. she thinks she's Christopher's only love and priority. anywhere he is, she goes. when he's not home, she settles for me. but as soon as he pulls into the driveway, she's at the door, tail wagging, barely containing her excitement. if she had to choose one way to spend every moment of every day for the rest of her life; this would be it.

seriously.. i love them.

2010-12-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, so clearly I don't have many pictures of the girls and I. That's hard to accomplish when I'm the one always taking pictures. We were watching a movie a short while ago, and Christopher grabbed the camera and snapped this little shot.

Know what I see when I look at this? Two really big girls that used to be sooo tiny. I used to carry them both around while I was delivering boxes at work. I could not possibly imagine trying to do that with as tall as they are now!

Even though this was just a few weeks ago, Addison has grown substantially since then. I just can't believe it. I think I'll just go back and look at tiny baby pictures now.

barbie dot com

2010-12-21T20:56:00.000-08:00

The other day Lorelei came and sat next to me while I was online. She asked, "Mom, could you please go to Barbie-dot-com? I want to look at all the Barbies."

Tete Becca taught her all about that particular dot-com while she was here visiting. They spent hours pouring over all the different fancy Barbies. Even Addison got in on the Barbie action. Such sweet time they spent together.

Yes, those are underwear on Lorelei's head. Don't ask. I have no answers. :)

snail mail

2010-12-21T20:36:00.000-08:00

Lorelei and Addison LOVE getting mail. Their friends across the street always get cards and letters and little care packages from their grandma, so naturally Lorelei assumes her grandma will send her things as well. She couldn't be more right! They feel so grown up when they each get their own little cards addressed to them. When I checked the mail and handed them each their envelopes, Lorelei exclaimed in a much too highly energetic voice, "I just knewwww my Grandma would send me mail. I just KNEW it!"

They keep everything they get in the mail like its worth diamonds. Often times, I'll find them up in their room admiring their cards and pictures together and I just smile because these two little girls are so loved.

so if anyone wants to make their day, just send them a little piece of snail mail.

oh boy.. i mean, girl.. i mean.. whatever.

2010-12-03T11:46:00.001-08:00

When first talking about marriage and family, Chris and I differed greatly in one area. Children. Not so greatly that one of us wanted 8, and the other didn't want any. Basically, I wanted two boys. He, on the other hand, wanted two girls.

I wanted boys because I wanted to stay as far away from the prissy girl thing as I could. Dress up and dollies didn't sound fun at all. Plus the hair and bows, shoes and dresses. Then later the PMS and all that glory. Not to mention, girls are generally less tough and resilient than boys are. I wanted kids that could fall and not be phased. I wanted children that could take whatever came their little tiny way. Wrestling, bloody noses, black eyes- all those things were way less intimidating to me than all the 'ish' that comes with little girls.

Clearly, God loves Christopher more than He loves me. Okay, that's potentially untrue. Maybe God just knows me more than I know myself. Either way, clearly we have two very tiny little females running our lives.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Wanna know why? Because very often, I am reminded that God gave me a very comical dose of what I had desired in a family. Sure, Lorelei and Addison, in their slight little frames, are very girlie and enjoy dressing up and playing house with the prissiest of them all. Yet somehow, at the very same time, they are rough, rowdy, competitive, and physical. While the scales of estrogen and testosterone lean heavily towards the feminine side, they are by no means delicate.

I realized this comical little 'gift' from God a while ago when Addison's finger got cut off, and she was left with exposed bone under an entire arm bandage while we waited to see how it would grow back. One evening a couple of days after the finger incident, Lorelei and Addison were running through the house tackling each other. That's right, just running and tackling over and over and over. Of course bumped heads and bloody noses ensued. I still couldn't get them to stop! I felt like I had two teenage boys instead of one and two year old little girls.

Things haven't changed one bit. Another of their favorite games is pulling each other off the couch by their ankles as fast as they can. Lorelei grabs Addison's feet, says "Addison, let me help you!", and goes running the other direction, causing Addison to slam onto the floor hitting not only her little tushy, but her head. They have a good laugh and switch. They run around playing chase. Instead of tagging, they push or punch. They always think all these games are hilarious, and believe you me, we do NOT encourage this.

Today they were playing 'crazy dancing'. They hold hands, jump, spin, and wiggle all around until one of them falls from dizziness or trips, yanking the other down on top of them. Well, today's game didn't end so funny as Lorelei's elbow let out a loud pop and she was suddenly not laughing. She said her arm hurt, so I had her sit on the couch and relax for a while. She couldn't move it without the assistance of her other hand, and each time she tried, more tears would come.

I gave it some time and finally decided to head to the doctors since she was still in tears. At the mention of going to the doctors, she said she felt fine. Clever. I asked her to show me she was fine by doing a jumping jack. Her eyes got big and she emphatically shook her head no. With that, we went to have her checked out. Every time the doctor moved her arm or put pressure on it, her eyes welled up with big tears, but she refused to cry there. She patiently sat there with tears in her eyes, breathing deeply until they were done. She was so grown up.

After X-rays and two different doctors examining her, they deemed her arm just severely sprained. I am so thankful that's all it is. So is she. While there waiting for the X-Ray tech to call us back, she asked, "Mom, can I be done being brave now and go home?". I think she was afraid she'd have to get a shot. When I finally convinced her that wouldn't be needed she perked up quite a bit.

Lorelei is a little trooper. I love this little girl so much.

littlest Little

2010-11-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

I know I might say it often, but I really loath that my children are growing up so fast. This little girl was toothless and bald yesterday, I'm sure of it. Now she's tall, talking non stop, and excited about underwear. I can't figure out when she grew up so drastically, but I know I love the little person God has been molding her to be. She is so full of joy and spunk. She is always so silly and weird. I feel like she has us laughing to the point of tears every day. And she knows it.

Since I can't stop her from growing up, I'll just sit back in amazement and look forward to the incredible woman she is destined to be.

This is my little Addison Rain.

never gonna be ready

2010-11-21T19:24:00.000-08:00

Lorelei Jade is obsessed with nuptials. In ever way, shape, and form- she is all about being a bride. Not just for dress up. She refers to husbands and wives as 'love you forevers' since after asking me why I wore a wedding ring. I explained that I wear it because Christopher gave it to me as a promise to love me forever, and likewise why he wears his.

She has never been the little girl under the illusion that she will one day grow up and marry her daddy. She's always had a pretty realistic perspective of marriage. Even when she would wrap herself in tulle and call herself a 'bribe'. And when she used to say she wanted to marry Jake Begines and finally had to come to terms with the fact that he didn't want to marry her.

Driving down the road the other day, she sits quietly for a few minutes [which never happens], then says with such sweet sincerely, "Mom... I don't know who I'm gonna marry." She was actually concerned and worried over the idea that she had no idea who she would her groom-to-be is. I explained to her that she was only three and didn't need to figure that out until she was a grown up and to that she replied, "Okay. Good."

Little does she know, there isn't a little boy out there who can grow into a man good enough, smart enough, strong enough, special enough, wise enough, driven enough, humble enough, passionate enough, thoughtful enough, patient enough, successful enough, talented enough, loving enough, to be her husband.

Although, judging by what I've seen thus far, she's going to be the most epic Bridezilla to ever exist. Ever. So, good luck to the man that thinks he's good enough, smart enough, strong enough, special enough, wise enough, driven enough, humble enough, passionate enough, thoughtful enough, patient enough, successful enough, talented enough, loving enough, to tackle that.

This little tiny girl is going to give us a run for our money. I just pray that God starts preparing us now for the day when we have to give her away.

nothing rhymes with orange. ...and sometimes that's okay

2010-11-21T19:11:00.000-08:00

So, yes- I painted my living room orange. Well, not the whole room. Just two of the walls. Bold, I know. I am stepping out of the box and being brave with my decorating in a way I never have before. So far, I am loving it. Things are turning out exactly how I want them. Even though this room still has a long ways to go before it's done, I'm confident that it will be great when it's finished. Next up will be window treatments, end tables, new lamps, wall decor, and then some accents.

Boy am I lucky to have a husband who trusts me and allows me to do crazy things like paint orange on our walls.

Be bold. I dare you.

about me:

2010-11-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

Hi. My name is Lorelei. I'm three, but I think I'm seventeen. My favorite color is green, I want a cat, I love math, I sometimes like my little sister. When I grow up I want to be a paratrooper-army-girl-doctor. Oh, and also, sometimes I cut my own hair and my mom has to chop it off to fix it.

lorelei jade..

2010-11-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

I always tell Lorelei to stop growing. She always [and emphatically] tells me no, that she wants to grow up so she can be a big mom (and live in her own house with lots of cats...yeah, she's 'that' girl). I'm only half kidding when I tell her to stop growing up. I say half because, even though I wish it wholeheartedly, I know it's not possible. However, I am NOT prepared to walk into by bathroom to find this. She got herself dressed, put a self made pink bow in her hair and was putting on make up.

Part of me is glad I had the camera handy, and the other part of me [the majority, in case you were wondering] want to erase this from my memory and put her back in diapers.

time MUST slow down

how..?

2010-11-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

.no words. just laughter.

oh sick little girl

2010-11-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

Sweet hair, Addison! What type of product do you use that it would stand straight up like that? Snot, you say? Well, that's just lovely.

♥

Addison's Birthday part 2

2010-11-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Addison never liked a pacifier until she was about 10 months old. From that point on, she was hooked. Part of me was very thankful she had something to help comfort her and sooth her, and the other part of me loathed the fact that I knew a battled was impending. I knew the time woudl come to wean her off it, and I dreaded that.

Lorelei was easy; if she went to sleep without it, Christopher would take her for a quad ride the next day. Never one little fuss. It worked like a charm. Of course we wouldn't be so lucky with Addison.

I wanted to take it from her when she turned one, but she was still dealing with her cut of finger, and I felt bad. Then we knew Christopher was leaving for the Army, and I wanted both the girls to have whatever comfort measures they needed as they adjusted to not having him around. Always one thing after another, like chicken pox, ear infections, busted lips, more chicken pox, driving across country, settling in, you name it.

So, the decision was made that when she turned two, she wouldn't have it any more. No matter what. This became an easier and easier decision to make as she suddenly began waking up throughout the night crying because she couldn't find it. "Paciiii! Paciii!", and of course I would have to get up, find it in the dark, and give it back to her. NO thank you.

Our gift for Addison was easy to decide on. It was the very thing Lorelei got for her birthday earlier in the year from Grandma and Grandpa. Build-A-Bear. Addison has been envious ever since. We knew she would love it. It had a twist, however. Much like any good gift should- she had to put her favorite pacifier into the stuffed animal she chose. This way, she still had her pacifier to sleep with, but not in the same way.

She was all prepared. She knew when she turned two she was 'big' and didn't need baby things anymore. We walked into the shop and she pondered the wall of stuffed animal options finally settling on a soft brown bunny with long ears. She willingly placed her pacifier inside and watched as it got stitched up. She instinctively grabbed the bunny, squeezing and smashing until she felt the exact placement of the pacifier inside. She looked up at me with questioning eyes. "Paci inside my bunny?" she asked uneasily. I reassured Addison that she indeed still had her pacifier, and she could hold it, hug it and sleep with it in a new big girl way. She seemed pleased with that answer and was eager to go through the rest of the steps of turning her little floppy stuffed animal into the perfect little friend to take home.

Lorelei was more than happy to show her the ropes of how everything worked. She knew more than I did. Not surprising. She even helped Addison try to decide on an outfit to dress her bunny in.

Even though she had no idea what the computers were for, she and Lorelei were MORE than excited to sit and 'help' push buttons. Addison named her new little friend Paci-Bunny. How very creative, right? haha

Being the great big sister that she is, Lorelei offered to carry it out to the car. Which she did, through the entire mall and all the people, she drug the little bunny and the little house behind her.

Once in the car, Addison was so happy to hold Paci-Bunny and carefully inspect and explore the beautiful princess ballerina outfit she chose. She was so proud of herself. "Paci in it bunny." she said over and over.

The first nap without her pacifier was a tough one. It took me three hours to get her to sleep. I held her and rocked her, sang to her and everything. I ended up standing in the pitch black bathroom, singing and rocking, when she finally passed out from exhaustion. She slept for less than an hour, but it was a success. She fell asleep without her pacifier! When she woke up, we made a big deal about how big she was now. Each time she went to sleep, it got easier and easier, and after day two, she was just fine.

Admittedly, that first couple of days were hilarious as we watched her struggle with the love/hate relationship with Paci-Bunny. She sincerely loved the bunny, but angrily resented the fact that the Paci-Bunny wouldn't give her pacifier back.

I knew that wouldn't last. As soon as she was fine without her pacifier in her mouth, she would love the bunny and find comfort in it rather than the pacifier. Sure enough- she loves her little bunny and often reminds me that her pacifier is still inside because she's big now and doesn't need it.

About a week after Addison got Paci-Bunny, I came downstairs to find both dogs looking very guilty. They were standing over the bunny, just looking up at me like they knew the were doing something wrong. I grabbed the bunny and it was soaking wet with dog slobber. I scolded them pups, put the bunny up on the back of the couch for safe keeping and continued doing what I had been busy with. While the dogs knew better than to get on the furniture, they seemed to have no problem doing so in order to get the bunny down for some more play time. This is what I found...

I knew I had to somehow sew it and wash it before Addison would realize it was missing. If she saw this, she would first be devastated. Then she would get over that real quick once she realized she could finally get her pacifier out. Needless to say, I stayed up extra late sewing, washing, and drying Paci-Bunny to be sure Addison was none the wiser.

The extents we go to hide little things from our children... :) Little things like this make me so proud to be a mother. And I couldn't ask for a more wonderful little two year to brighten my life and bring me so much joy.

2010-10-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

To kick of Christopher's four day weekend we took the girls to this great park for a picnic. We had so much fun playing and running around. This incredible weather has been awesome lately, it's great to be able to spend so much time outside.

I finally took my Canon out of the bag for the first time since we moved. I have missed it. Here are a whole bunch of pictures that I thought were too good to pass up. I was going to edit some of them, but I don't care that much. Screw photography or artistic anything, I'm just a mom in love with my kids. Enjoy.

These first few pictures of Christopher and Addison were taken while Addison was in trouble and having to sit on the bench for taking her shoes off too many times. She was supposed to learn a lesson.. I don't think she did. Addison loves cuddling with Christopher.

Addison's birthday part 1

2010-10-09T05:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, Addison Rain turned 2!

I can't believe Addison is so big. Not only is she two, she's a very grown up two. I'm not really a fan of this. She tries so hard to keep up with Lorelei, while I wish she would just stay a little baby forever. Every single day she talks more and more. Her unintentional cursing is over for the most part as she is getting better and better at pronouncing words. This, too, makes me sad. She wears 2T and 3T, her shoe size is exactly one size smaller than Lorelei's. She has a red headed temper that is mixing nicely with terrible twos, and is big enough to decide just how obstinate she is going to be.

Amidst all the down side to all this light-speed growing, is a lot of wonderfulness that I am so blessed to witness. Her personality has been evident since she was tiny, but it's been so fun to see her discover it herself. SHe is one of the most dramatically expressive little people I've ever seen. She has a big imagination and loves using it. We spend hours playing in her little kitchen. With everything she 'makes', she warns me that it is either too hot, too cold, or too yucky so I have to give a dramatic show of reaction. She then in turn does the same thing. Her facial expressions for things like hot and cold are incredible. I hope I can capture them on video. Often, she pretends to dump her invisible pancakes on the ground, and then goes into fake mournful tears that last entirely too long. I can't wait to see how God uses these little aspects of who she is.

She is full of hugs, kisses, and cuddles. She is so content to just sit with us. She won't go to bed without some cuddle time. Of course, when she says it, "Tuddle me, mommy.", I can't help but laugh. I will 'tuddle' with this little one until she's a grown up if she'll let me. :) When she hears the front door she always comes running while yelling, "DaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddyDaddy!!!!!!!!"

and nothing could be sweeter.

She loves music and much to my surprise can drum and clap to a beat. If there is music, she inevitably asks everyone to dance with her. She sings along with songs that I don't even know the words to. Music has always evoked such a different response from her than any other child I've seen. I have no doubt it will be a very big part of her life. I can't wait to see how.

She is big enough to have favorite books, songs, colors, and even shapes. She is all about Pirates as she walks around with one eye covered while shouting, "aye aye, Matey!"

She is learning to rhyme and count. She knows her colors, even though she'll intentionally answer them wrong and laugh because she thinks she's hilarious.

She is so smart. So bright. So beautiful. So full of joy.

We are so lucky to be her parents. We are blessed to help her grow up into the woman God has planned for her to be. I look at her, and I am overwhelmed by the task because she is destined for greatness. I don't say that lightly. Addison Rain is just such a unique little girl who has this incredibly ability to touch people's lives even at the little tiny age of two.

Lorelei picked a chocolate cake, white frosting and lots of pink sprinkles for Addison. ♥

Addison is so excited to be two. Being a 'big girl' is the most exciting thing to this tiny person

Celebrating together. They are best friends and it is so sweet.

Playing 'doctor' with the play set from Grandma and Grandpa. Such a great gift!!

More presents from Grandma and Grandpa!

i scream you scream

2010-10-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

We're big ice cream fans. Well, we're not big, exactly, but if we keep eating ice cream we will be. We went to Cold Stone the other night and the girls both got their own little cups of ice cream of their choice. They both chose blue ice cream with 'sparkles'. :) Gross.

Addison's cup next to mine. We started at the same time. She didn't even spill a drip.

Lorelei shivering after demolishing her ice cream

I didn't use the term 'demolish' lightly.

This girl knows how to eat ice cream.

She was so careful and stayed so clean. I was amazed

I'm still trying to figure out when she got so big. Seriously.

Can we say, 'Daddy's girl'?

This is her favorite spot in the world.

finally fall

2010-10-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

i ♥LOVE♥ fall

i love the colors, the smells, the change in season, and now that we're here in North Carolina- the change in temperature and heat index. I love that I can sit outside in the brisk cool air to enjoy a nice hot mocha or caramel macchiato. The only shame is how fast fall is over.

just a few random pics

2010-10-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

Lorelei, herself, chose these first two pictures. She asked me to put them on my 'vlog' so Grandma could see them. :) The last few are some shots from the other day. I love these two little girls so much!

Nina Joy

2010-10-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

This is my friend, Nina.

I wonder if she reads my blog

♥ sisters ♥

2010-10-04T06:50:00.000-07:00

I decided to do a post with a bunch of sister pictures. These two little girls love one another so much. When they're not together, they miss each other. When they wake up in the morning, they climb into the same bed and chat away. I love watching them play together and teach one another. They are amazing.

At Hume feeding ducks

They slept together almost every night while Chris was away

Getting ready to leave Papa and Lala's house after a nice little visit

Lorelei pushed the chairs together so they could share their snack after nap time

Playing together

Just after Addison came to us, Lorelei was so curious about her

Lorelei 2 years, Addison 4 months

getting dry after swimming

playing at the park November 2009

The day we got guardianship of Addison, also Addison's 8 month birthday

Sunbathing in the back of the truck at Pismo spring 2009

Lorelei 2 years, Addison 5 months

Tummy time!

Watching a movie together... they look scared.

undies!

2010-10-04T06:43:00.001-07:00

This is Stephanie. She's shy. But a little less so after this day. We threw a little lingerie party for her before she got married and before the evening was over, she had to ask this guy for his underwear. It took a little coercing, but he gave in and gave 'em up. What a good sport.

I'm fairly certain Steph will hate me if she sees this. Eh. It's alright. Totally worth it.

catherine.. :)

2010-10-04T06:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life God blesses us with extraordinary friends. I've been lucky enough to have several. Catherine and I became great friends in an instant. We worked together for a day during the summer of 2005 at Hume. We were cleaning windows at Hickory Lodge and as we were talking we realized we had the same life! We grew up with the same set of circumstances, we're the exact same age, we have the same opinions and sense of humor, you name it- we're identical.

Now she lives at Hume Lake, and I don't anymore. That's sad to me. I'm glad we had a year there together to hang out and share lives. I wouldn't have survived the year without her help with the girls. Especially when Chris was gone for months. She would come over and just hang out and talk with me. She would force me to stop cleaning and just sit. I needed that.

I am so thankful for her in my life, even if we live on opposite sides of the country now. I can't wait to go back to California to visit and spend time with her and her two beautiful little boys.

I love you Catherine!

on the lake

2010-10-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

As I go through all the older pictures on my computer I find all sorts of things that never got posted about. So here's yet another 'catch up' post.

This day was so much fun. It was just a few days before Christopher got home from Basic and AIT. Tete Cait was at Hume visiting and we couldn't resist going out on the lake. Addison loved the row boat and basically giggled the whole time. She was so eager to help row the boat and chase the ducks swimming atop the water. She waved hi to every one we passed.

Lorelei, on the other hand, was very apprehensive about the whole idea. She was certain we would just flip over and die. Once we were out there and going, she was able to relax a little and enjoy it. But for the most part she just wanted to be done with the whole boat all together. When we went back and turned the boat in, she was a little sad it was over. Silly girl.

We always have so much fun when Tete Cait comes to visit. Even though we're not at Hume and we no longer have a lake in our back yard to take advantage of, we so look forward to our next visit.

Jacob Daniel Norwood

2010-09-27T20:57:00.001-07:00

One of my favorite people in the whole universe had her baby tonight. Not finding out what they were having made it extra special and suspenseful. I am so sad that I can't be there to meet him or help her as she heals from her C-section... but I am SO proud to be part of this little guy's life.. even from a distance.

Congratulations Catherine and Johnny!! He is beautiful and I can't wait to hold him.

Now, I don't know for sure, but the nurse is probably saying something like, "Wait a second.. I thought they said this baby is a boy?" ... Umm, Johnny???

tutus and tea

2010-09-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Rainy day inside fun. That's what we did alllll day today. It was so much fun though. I love that my girls would rather play dress up and tea party than watch tv. And I love that Christopher and I are their favorite friends. I know both of those will change sooner than I'd like, so I'm going to savor all these silly moments while they last.

Addison is all about her play kitchen lately. I love it because she and Lorelei play so well with it together. Addison's favorite thing is to make soup and have you taste it. As I pretend to take a sip of the soup, she exclaims, "Too hot!" in hopes of getting a good 'too hot' reaction from me. She loves to practice her different faces. She is quite the character. She and I spent a good hour or so yesterday pretending to cry over the imaginary pancakes she kept dropping on the floor. "No more pancakes... So sad, oh no..." she says. Then she squints, rubs her hand over her eyes and makes pathetic little crying sounds. I'm hoping to catch it on video.

She is also very into tutus. She wears three at a time, and can hardly keep them up. With each one she puts on, she says, "Tutu, too too cute".

She stacks these bowls on her head all day long and sings

"Happy Birthday Me".

Lorelei is a good sport as she puts up with Addison's crazy tutu obsession and birthday bowls. She would rather do all things dainty and princess. She is one ♥ proper little princess ♥ . I was taking some pics of Addison, and I turned to see lorelei sitting like this. She neatly laid her tutu out over her thighs and just sat quietly as she was very pleased with herself.

Lorelei is so thoughtful. She went to a lot of work this afternoon. She came up with the idea to set up this tea party for Addison for her 'faker birthday', while Addison was napping. She moved the chairs from the other room all on her own and even prepared a very special birthday tea, complete with delicious snacks like 'cinnamon spicy cream ice cream'.

I really enjoy how well they play together now that Addison is older. We are so proud of how Lorelei is beginning to strive to be a great big sister for Addison. They have a bond that is so special and I love that I get to be their mom and help them along through life. The day will come all too fast when it's no longer about tutus and tea parties. We will miss these times. I just know it.

Julian

2010-09-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

For craft time the other day Lorelei made a paper bag puppet. She took so much time and care to make hers just right. She cut out the shapes and glued them on herself. She named it Julian. She was so proud of it and couldn't wait for Christopher to get home from work so she could show him. We will definitely be making more of these.

I am ever amazed at how big she is and how much she can do on her own. She's pretty awesome.

hangin' out

2010-09-22T14:21:00.000-07:00

This is a group of kids at our neighborhood park. We don't know any of them and have never seen them until today. See the little girl in the wagon? Yeah, don't worry. That's Addison. She walked over to them, and without a word, hopped in the wagon and just sat there. The little boy sitting across from her wasn't sure what to think as he just starred at her. I watched her sit there unnoticed by all but the boy in the wagon, for about five minutes. Finally, I walked over and said, "Addison, what are you doing? This isn't your wagon." She replied, "I hang out, Mommy."

♥ them!

2010-09-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

I can't help it. I just think these two little girls are so wonderful.

Addison was riding Lorelei's bike. She loves it, even thought she's not good at it.

I think we know what we're getting her for her birthday in a couple of weeks.

She stook here and studied the leaves for a good ten minutes. I wish I knew what

was running through her little brain. She is so fascinated

with everything outside.

Okay, so the funny thing about this picture is that Lorelei dressed herself this day. When I questioned

her choice of socks and shoes, she literally said, "Mom, don't worry about it. They look fine. Ugh." She's got attitude and opinion in overdose. NOT so excited about this when she's a teenager. This picture just makes me laugh with her little legs and high socks. haha I love her!

She is always so excited to ride her bike. She is so good at it now. She even tries doing little

stunts and tricks like standing up, and riding with no hands.. which really isn't much of a feat when you

still have training wheels on. But she doesn't know that yet. ;)

Happy Birthday Christopher!

2010-09-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm basically queen of posting things out of order and late.. deal with it. :)

This post is from Christopher's birthday a couple of weeks ago. He had to work, so while he was gone the girls made him a cake. I did very little to help and pretty much let them do it all on their own with a little instruction. It was SO messy, but SO worth all the clean up to watch these two little girls working together for their Daddy.

The week before the girls and I went to the store and picked up all the things we would need for the cake. Lorelei picked a strawberry cake, Addison picked pink frosting. Lorelei picked green decorating frosting, and Addison picked a bottle of pastel candy sprinkle flowers. Their favorite parts were mixing it, decorating, and of course.. eating it. What kid doesn't love cake, right? Here are a few pictures of the cake baking fun.

Step one: dump it all in a bowl.

Lorelei cracked an egg and did fine. Addison cracked the egg, which went down the front of the cabinets, and tossed the shells in the bowl. hahaha then she said with a shrug of her shoulders, "its okay, Mommy." As if, as long as some part of the egg was in the bowl its all the same.

Mixing. Wow. Talk about messy! Lorelei in the background 'reading' how to put on the frosting, as she told me.

After Lorelei wrote Dad in green frosting, they both sprinkled the little pastel colored candies all over the top.

Yes, they used the entire bottle of sprinkles. SO gross. But Chris was a very happy Daddy when he saw this.

play, play, play

2010-09-17T11:42:00.000-07:00

Now that it's cooling off (finally), we have been spending a lot of time at the parks around here. It's such a great way for the girls to burn off energy and play with someone other than me. Here are a few pictures.

Lorelei, Addison, and Kiarra. Kiarra is our little neighbor girl that

Lorelei loves to play with every minute of every day.

Lorelei and Addison sharing their snack with Elyse, a new friend

we just met that day. Lorelei asked for a Princess shirt like hers.

Ugh. I loath princess and character clothing.

Addison's sweet sweaty face. I think she was hugging this yellow

thing because it was nice and cool

Lorelei exclaiming to the world that she climbed up this

all by herself.

One of my very favorite pictures of the girls. Lorelei is so in awe of this slide

because it's a "slide for two people", and always insists that Addison go in it with her

since she can't possibly go down it alone.

2010-09-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

Lorelei loves to walk Molly to the park. She feels so grown up when she gets to hold the leash and she does a great job, too. The only problem is when Addison then asks to walk Bella. That's never gonna happen. ;)

square-cut princess ones, please!

2010-09-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

Lorelei has been asking to have her ears pierced since she was one year old. We always told her that when she was bigger, she could get them done. I wouldn't have cared either way, but it was important to Christopher that it be a decision Lorelei could make on her own. I thought that was cute. For the past two and a half years she has brought it up from time to time and asked over and over. Finally, we were at the mall the other day and to kill time, the girls and I were walking around looking at the jewelry at Sears. Over and over Lorelei would say something like, "Mom, I know THIS would make a beautiful earring for me when I'm big.", as she pointed out rings, necklaces and earrings alike. So as we were headed out of the mall we passed by Claire's and Christopher finally decided to let Lorelei get her ears pierced. He loves that she's so little and, like me, doesn't want her to do big girl things quite yet. I'm not ready for her to be big. She needs to stay little... which I know isn't possible. :(

We went in and I explained that we were in the store that pierces ears. I explained how piercing works and that it would hurt for a few seconds, but then she would have earrings. "Lorelei, would you like to have your ears pierced?" I asked her as we knelt down in the middle of the crowded displays. "Does it hurt like a big blood owie?", she asked. "No, like a pinch. Like this.", as I pinched her earlobe. Her eyes got wide and she calmly said, "Well, maybe I will a different day.", in her sweet little voice. "Okay. That's a fine decision, Sweet Girl." Then she looked around and furrowed her brows little and said, "Well, I think I would like them to get pierced-ed today. Then I will have earrings like McKenna."

So we put her up in the chair and asked her to pick out which earrings she wanted. She chose little diamonds like mine. She even made sure they were 'square cut princess' ones. haha Smart little girl, huh? Lorelei watched so intently as everything was put together and set up. She was so nervous and inquisitive as her ears were cleaned and the gun was loaded. The first pierce caught her totally off guard and she winced in shock for a split second and looked at Christopher with eyes that said, "what the --!?" Then as he explained that her ear was pierced she began to tear up. I grabbed the mirror and showed her and she smiled so big. She was so excited.

Not excited enough, however, to be ready for the next ear. It took a sweet little pep talk from her daddy before she was sitting up tall and ready to do it again. She cried when her second ear was pierced and just hugged Christopher for a minute or two. She was so brave and grown up about the entire thing.

Every day since then, she has thanked us profusely for piercing her ears. She is so thrilled to have earrings and can't wait to show everyone. She is so great about making sure we clean them each day and that they are healing perfectly.

One of my favorites was hearing her explain to Addison that she got her ears pierced. Addison wasn't really paying attention, but that didn't stop Lorelei. "Sister," she said. "I got my ears pierced-ed with earrings because I am big. I know you think they are beautiful, but you can't have any earrings yet. You are just a little baby sister. But I know you will love it! Maybe you will cry. But maybe you will be tough like me because we are both Tilley girls."

I have the sweetest little people ever.

All ready to go and excited to be big enough to pierce her ears

Watching closely as everything is prepared. Lorelei said the lady smelled like a doctor because of the alcohol wipes she was using to clean everything.

Getting cheered up and encouraged by Christopher to get her other ear done.

Here we go!

All done!

lorelei's new passion

2010-09-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

I am teaching Lorelei preschool at home this year and we are having a blast. I love the special time together with just she and I while Addison is napping. She is learning to read, and going wonderfully with that. She is a little impatient as she just hopes to pick up a book and be able to know what each page says. We do math and she is a little bored with it because she knows most of what we're doing already. I think it's important to really lay a solid foundation though, so we're making sure nothing is skipped. One of her very favorite things to learn is science. Right now we are studying all about living things and how to tell the difference between something living and something non-living.

Here she is painting about 'living things'. She is so proud that she gets to paint and has a list of all the people she wants to send her paintings to. She literally asks to paint just about every day. She is so sweet I absolutely love this age with her.

she got him, alright.

2010-09-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

The girls and I were outside playing the other day when Addison discovered all the squirrels running around. She began to chase one after another all over the grass area behind our yard. Squirrel after squirrel would run from her to the nearest tree and disappear. Addison was circling each tree looking for the squirrels and trying to figure out where they had gone to. Knowing she wasn't going to actually catch one, I left her to run around while I helped Lorelei ride her bike. All of a sudden Addison screams, "I got him, Mommy! I got him!", as she came running from behind a big tree- dead squirrel in hand. Sweet little girl that she is, thought she actually succeeded in capturing a squirrel. How do you explain to a one year old that picking up a decaying squirrel off the ground is indeed different than actually catching one? ...Gross.

Addison's First Birthday

2010-09-03T19:35:00.001-07:00

Addison's first birthday. Wow. First, I had a hard time believing it was time for her to turn one. Then again, she was three months when we got her, so maybe in my mind it was only time for her to be turning 9 months old. Ha. I wanted to make her first birthday special, not because she was turning one, but because it was her first birthday with us. Lorelei's first birthday with us was when she turned two and we had a fun party for her, so we wanted to do the same for Addison.

I asked Lorelei, who was two at the time, what kind of party we should have for Addison. She first said we should have a "monster party, but not the nice kind. The scary kind that would make all the children cry. Especially sister." That was no good. But at least we know after nine months that nothing had changed. Lorelei still didn't like Addison all that much. ;)

Finally Lorelei decided on a nice cupcake party. Which was great because that made it SO easy for me. We had it at the playground and invited all the little friends. It was so fun, and even though Addison won't actually remember it, we are so glad we got to celebrate her first birthday in such a special way. Sans monsters.

cupcake shaped Cake Pops that we made. Yummy. If you're into that sort of thing ;)

After eating her cupcake with lots of reluctance, she thought the paper would be a nice 'hat-hat', as she would say

♥ Grandma and Grandpa ♥

Ellie, Brooklyn, and Addison working together to open the loot.

This giraffe came from Tete Alex and Uncle John and she loved it from the first moment she saw it. Almost a year later and it's still one of her very favorites.

the happiest place on earth. or so they say.

2010-09-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

Spending time at Disneyland as part of our trip to finalize Lorelei's adoption was so great. It was the perfect way to show Lorelei how wonderful she is and how happy we are that she is our little girl forever. She fully understood what was going on and that we were celebrating the fact that we get to be her forever family.

It was doubly sweet for us because it was literally Christopher's last days with us before he was to be gone for months. After enlisting in the Army, we knew he was leaving, but really there's no great way to prepare for that. We soaked up every moment of family time we could. Being at Disneyland was perfect! Even more perfect was the fact that John, Alex, Mom and Dad could be there too. On to top even that off, my whole family lives right there and spent a few days with us as well. One more example of how blessed we are to have so much love and support for our family. It was truly a wonderful week and perfect for making our last week together less bitter and more sweet.

one, two, free

2010-09-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

Another thing that happened while I was neglecting the blog-

Lorelei turned 3!

With so much happening in January we couldnt really plan a party for her. We were waiting to hear when our adoption court date was going to be since we were planning to be out of town for several days. We decided to do a little impromptu cup cake party for her with family and a few close friends. She had been wanting a Toy Story party, so we got some little Toy Story cake toppers for the tops of the cup cakes and then had some balloons. Very low key, but it was so fun.

Of course, we all worked that day and then came home rushing to get everything done. And that's when the oven decided not to work. Perfect, right? Thankfully, Jayne saved the day and she let us bake them in her oven across the street. If it weren't for her, Lorelei's already bleak party would have been even more non existent.

We are so thankful for our friends and family at Hume that were always there to help us celebrate the girls. It's great when you have people you can count on to make your kids feel loved and special. Especially on their special days.

we all look disgusting in these pictures. which i hate.. but they are what they are. i'm just warning you. don't judge us. ;)

snow day

2010-09-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from a fun little snow day.. months ago, obviously. Lorelei and I built a snowman while Addison was sleeping and Christopher was clearing snow. We had so much fun and Lorelei even got to help drive the bobcat. She later informed me that it was too loud and bumpy for her and she doesn't want to drive it again. :) I thought the pictures were too cute not to share. So here you go.

p.s. i think i have one of the prettiest little girls ever.

no going back now

2010-09-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Lorelei named herself when she was about 16 months old. I was trying to teach her to say "Jade" when asked what her name was. Instead she would shake her head no and respond with "MmMm. Mame, Lorelei." She got the name from Gilmore Girls, which I was watching at the time. Since we were wanting to give her a name of our own as we adopted her, this sort of stuck. Which was great since I really loved the name.. Christopher, not so much. But it has grown on him.

After her adoption was finalized, Chris left for basic and both girls got sick the same week. Lorelei ended up with a double ear infection. The only exciting part for me was walking into the doctors and changing all her record information from Jade to Lorelei.

And then this....

(okay, so it's backwards... and I don't know how to flip it.. sorry)

Adoption Day

2010-09-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

The day we had been waiting for since, well, since we first called social services to tell them we wanted to be considered for placement while she was in foster care. That was November of 2007. We got to finalize her adoption on January 2010.

Finalizing Lorelei's adoption was such a special day. Grandma, Grandpa, John and Alex all came down to san bernardino for the court date. Jessikah and Mamaw were there too. We felt so blessed to have so much family there to make her day special. I didn't really know what to expect as far as emotions go. Mostly, I was just relieved to be done with everything. Pressure was high in the weeks leading up to the court date as it was mandatory for Christopher to be present, and he was leaving for basic training on January 31st. We had just a few days buffer in between court and his leaving. I can't imagine what would have happened if the state set our court date after he was gone. God is good and we were blessed.

The judge was such a nice man and it was so evident he truly enjoyed helping build families. He gave Lorelei a special teddy bear and took time to make her feel special.

Here are a few of the pictures..

(I know I have a picture with everyone all together, but I can't seem to find it)

With the judge. Addison kept trying to touch him.

We were just getting started and Addison had had enough already. :)

We took Lorelei shopping and let her pick an outfit to wear for her special day and this is the dress she chose. She will forever call it her 'adoption dress'. I thought it was sort of ugly, but she sure loved it!

Christmas 2009... just a little late.

2010-09-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Every year all the grandkids on my side of the family get matching pajamas from Mamaw and Papa. Missing from the picture is Miss Judah Jewel. She was still baking in her mommy's tummy. Would have been a little tough to get pajamas on her.

From left to right- Elliott, Titus, Bradyn holding Rocket, Londyn, Addison, Lorelei

Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa

Addison's first Christmas with us. Getting ready to open their presents.

Christopher made french toast for the girls Christmas morning. Lorelei actually likes it.. despite her lack of enthusiasm in the picture. :)

Lorelei's 1st gingerbread house! She did such a great job.

Grandma Archer

2010-09-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

Grandma Archer came to visit all of us last fall at Hume all the way fro Ohio. We had so much fun and the girls just LOVED spending so much time with her. Lorelei loved hearing stories about Buckey (Grandma's dog back at home) and reading story after story. We are so blessed with such a wonderful family!

Here are some pictures. :)

cheese!

2010-09-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures I think are cute.

Lorelei talking to Daddy on the phone while he was in Oklahoma at basic training.

Addison all upset at who knows what. This was fall of '09

One of my favorite pics of little Miss Addison Rain. She came out of her room dressed like this.

Lorelei thought it would be funny to put on a new born sized onesie. crazy girl.

hello? can you hear me now?

2010-09-03T10:31:00.000-07:00

What do you know? I still have a blog. Granted, I had to reset my password in order to log in since it had been so long since I had done so. I know, you have missed me. Yes, both of you.

As dumb as this sounds, I haven't posted in a while because I feel torn with the direction of my blog. I want to update our friends and family with our life and everything the girls are up to. Especially now that we live so far from everyone we know. I get asked all the time for updates with out new adventures and this blog is the perfect place for that.

At the same time, I want a place where I can write. So I've decided that I will join the masses of 'multi-bloggers'. I'll create a new and separate blog where I can write about things that are important to me as well as share my view on other non-relevant issues as I encounter them. A place where I can be honest and say things just the way I see them. ...without directly offending everyone. ;)

For those that read Little Mrs. Tilley, look forward to much more consistent updates on our lives and everything we're up to.

2010-05-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if this day will always feel tainted. probably. i guess that's okay.

2010-01-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever enjoyed feeling pain? I do sometimes. No, not the physical sort of pain that self mutilators enjoy when cutting their arms with razor blades and things like that. I’m talking about emotional pain. Before you think I’m a freak- let me explain.

Sometimes in life things happen that break my heart. As sad as those things are and as much as I wish I could change them, the pain they bring is welcomed in my life. An example of this is my dad’s death. Am I glad he’s gone? No, of course not. But in my little mixed up heart, that pain and sadness is a sort of comfort because logic tells me if I hated him, I wouldn’t miss him. It tells me that though I was affected negatively by many of his choices, I was also impacted positively. That pain I feel when I think about him is something I can treasure, in a way, and be thankful for because it forces me to remember he wasn’t all bad. It tells me there is something there to miss. It’s a joyous sort of pain that I don’t mind having around.

On the flip side is the sort of pain that I want to get as far away from as possible. I’m pretty good at it, I must admit. While I can hide those pains deep down inside and not think or feel a whole lot in regards to them, I know they are there. Distancing is not the same as erasing. I know this because it never seems to take much to bring those heartaches to the surface where I feel them all over again.

I recently read the book, The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans. If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend you do so. It’s a short book and a very easy read. I think I finished it in about an hour and a half. It’s a wonderful story meant to touch lives, but I doubt it is meant to evoke the kind of sadness that it did in my heart.

Near the end of the story is a scene where a man recaps an event from earlier in his life as he and his childhood friend played hide and seek in a cemetery. They stumble upon something that reached deep into my heart, finding a place that felt as raw and mangled as an old rag doll. The excerpt is as follows:

“I ran up through there,” he said pointing to a clump of thick-stumped evergreens, “then up behind the mausoleum. There, as I crouched behind a tombstone, I heard the wailing. Even muffled in the snow it was heart-wrenching. I looked up over the stone. There was a statue of an angel about three feet high with outstretched wings. It was new at the time and freshly whitewashed. On the ground before it knelt a woman, her face buried in the snow. She was sobbing as if her heart were breaking. She clawed at the frozen ground as if it held her from something she wanted desperately- more than anything. It was snowing that day and my friend, following my tracks, soon caught up to me. I motioned to him to be quiet. For more than a half hour we sat there shivering and watching in silence as the snow completely enveloped her. Finally she was silent, stood up, and walked away. I’ll never forget the pain in her face.”

Suddenly this woman in the book, Mary is her name, was so real to me. She was real because the grief she was feeling was real in my own heart. The futile desperation she was enveloped by was something I had experienced.

I very vividly remember holding my little Benjamin Ryan in my hands after he was born. A miscarriage, just like the others I had. Even though he was so tiny and under developed and there was no possible way he ever had a shot at living, I held him. I held him for a long time just willing him to not be gone. But he was.

My babies never lived on the earth and are not buried in it. But just as Mary became silent, stood up, and walked away, I do the same thing. We all do, I think. That’s how grief works. You grieve, then stand up and walk away. It’s a cycle that may or may not get easier as time goes on. For some people in some circumstances, it does. For me, it seems that it doesn’t, and that’s okay.

Sometimes I am just caught off guard by the brokenness that exists deep within me. I could never forget the events that cause the ache in my heart, but sometimes I forget the pain. Most of the time, I can talk about my miscarriages like they were a simple math equation or a weather forecast. More infrequently, something reaches the very depth and core of my losses, bringing me wailing to my knees. After a time, I become silent, stand up, and walk away.

I think there is a specific purpose to this sort of cycle. I think God designed it. I am not saying God destined this sort of sadness in our lives. I believe He has given us the strength to silence, stand up, and walk away. I also believe He allows us to revisit the heart ache whether we really want to or not. His desire is that in the moments, weeks, months, or years after we walk away, and before we find ourselves on our knees again, we be used for His glory. That we would take that hurt and use it to reach others that are hurting in the same way. To share the hope we have and help others be able to silence, stand up, and walk away.

just gonna get this off my chest

2009-11-03T22:56:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad. Almost as though I can’t get him out of my head. Sometimes I’ll be driving and suddenly I break down with this angry sort of sadness that I can’t help but feel all the way down into the pit of my stomach. Occasionally I’ll see someone with eyes just like his and my heart catches in my throat. I walk past someone in a store that smells just like him and I want to go stand next to them to soak in the smell because I know one day it may not be familiar at all.

I miss my dad not because he was a wonderful father or the most important person in my life. Most days he didn’t even come close. I don’t miss him because of what was. I miss him because of what wasn’t. For many years he was in and out of my life. When he wasn’t there, I was angry. When he came around he was this idolized figure high up on a pedestal. I wanted so badly to see him and love him the way other kids got to see and love their dads. I wanted his presence in my life to feel normal.

As a kid, you don’t understand the big picture. You know what’s in front of you, and even that isn’t always as clear as you think. I wasn’t able to differentiate the good from the bad when it came to my dad. At least not for a long, long time. Some of those realizations that had to happen left a pain and I wonder if it will ever ease or go away completely.

I have a lot of good memories with my dad. Or at least I used to. Those memories have been marred by knowledge. My dad was a Coca-Cola guy. Because of him I learned to strongly prefer it over Pepsi. When I was a kid we would sit side by side and drink our Cokes. Only, mine smelled like Coke and his smelled like rum. To this day the smell of rum takes me back to second grade when I lived with my dad in San Diego and I was happy. At the same time, it makes me feel queasy and angry. I remember my dad taking my brother and me to Joey’s Barbeque for dinner one time. Being that he didn’t have custody of us most of our lives, time with him was rare. We had a great time together and on our way home I was so excited to tell my aunt (and guardian) about the experience. We pulled up and my aunt came flying out of the house yelling at him. He had taken us without letting her know we were leaving. As soon as she looked at him her anger shifted. She was no longer mad that we were gone without her knowledge. She was now angry because he was drunk. I don’t know how many beers he had at Joey’s, but it was obviously a lot. Once she said it, I knew it was true. His speech was slurred and his temper flared when she confronted him. Our great time at dinner was no longer that. Deep in my little heart I began to question how my own dad, who’s supposed to love and protect me would drive drunk with my brother and I in the car. Did he need beer that badly? I remember seeing my dad for the first time in over two years. I sat down next to him and we drank Cokes and talked. We sat for a long time catching up and I listened to him crack hysterical jokes about the people walking by. This visit took place in the visiting yard of Chino Prison. The people he was joking about were the prison guards. Memory after memory; all stained just like this.

I’m sure if I thought hard enough, long enough, thoroughly enough, I could come up with a few memories that aren’t stained with alcohol. But that’s just it- I shouldn’t have to. I should think of my dad and be flooded with joyfulness over all the good times we’ve shared. I’m not. He’s been gone for four and a half years. Never once I have looked back on his life and smiled amidst the sadness of losing him. There is only remorse with the sadness. The thing is, he was a good dad. Really. Or at least he had it in him to be a good dad if only he had put down the alcohol.

My dad had a few philosophies he seemed to live by. Two of which I remember well; “You can’t get lost if you don’t care where you’re going.” As a kid I thought that was interestingly true. This coming from the guy who hitch-hiked across the country. And his other philosophy was, “Everyone’s gonna die of something. Might as well die of something you love.” Well, he sure picked his fate well, then. I think it was his ability to strongly cling to the second philosophy that fed his mediocrity with the first one. He really didn’t care where he was going most of the time. Or at least that’s how it seemed. And that’s just wrong. Kids should be able to look at their parents and see certainty, determination, conviction, passion, pride, etc. Even if their parents fail, those qualities should be there in a very obvious and consistent way. My dad rarely had any of those qualities. Deep, deep down, he probably did. I didn’t see them.

I struggled for a lot of years over how my dad could pick alcohol over me. He, like my mom, had done drugs for a long time. He kicked that though, and I was so proud of him. He was openly honest about his intention to never give up drinking. I had asked him why he kept drinking and his reply came, “I like my beer.” With a smirk. He wasn’t ashamed of it. Though, I think he should have been. I guess being a drunk makes you mostly blind to your drunkenness.

I always held onto hope that he would change and realize that he had great kids that he was missing out on. We were now adults beginning new chapters of our lives. Surely he would see what he had missed thus far and decide to do things differently. Coincidentally, this is also when I began to realize how extremely naive I can be.

The stark realization, or my admittance and acceptance of reality, came on June 27^th, 2004. I hadn’t seen my dad in about two years. He was at my cousin’s wedding and I was so excited to see him and to have him meet my husband of 4 months. Prior to the start of the wedding we were all taking pictures and I remember him being so antsy and fidgety about everything. He kept saying he just ‘needed to get out of here.’ Such a disappointment to his little girl who had waited so long to see him outside of prison for the first time in years. He wasn’t interested in being with me or my family. Then the wedding happened and then the reception. Open bar. No sooner did we get through the door did he have a Jim Beam in both hands. It stayed that way the entire night. I distinctly remember sitting at a table with my husband and a few others that I didn’t know very well. I watched my dad sit at a table all alone with his drinks. While it killed me, I realized that’s exactly how he wanted it to be. Nobody else mattered more than Mr. Beam. Upon leaving I gave him a hug, told him I loved him and walked out the door wreaking of liquor. I left hurt and a little more grown up. That was the last time I saw my dad.

I realized as I stepped into my role as an adult, that I resented him a lot for his choices. Because he took so much liberty with selfish decisions in his life, I had no choice but to suffer the consequences. I praise God for the guidance and protection in my life in spite of my parents. My life is proof that God really does make all things good for those who love Him.

The more I struggled with my resentment, the more I felt the need for closure. Not that I intended to never speak to my dad again, but the need was there to bring it all to the light and call it what it was. He chose alcohol over me. Before I could accept that, I needed him to admit it.

Eight months after I saw him at the wedding he began calling me randomly to see how I was and catch up. The calls were always short, but I was nonetheless happy to hear from him and know that he was okay. After a few phone calls he asked me why I didn’t have him give me away at my wedding. I walked down the aisle alone and he wasn't able to be there. I told him “Dad, you gave me away a long time ago.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, defensively. “You chose your alcohol over me every time you had the chance. I’m trying to accept that.” First he argued with me for about five seconds. Finally he admitted that I was right. For my whole life and for every situation, he said he couldn’t remember a time that he didn’t drink when given the chance. What ensued from there was a very enlightening conversation. Well, it wasn’t enlightening then. But recently it has hit home a lot more for me.

He went on to explain that he didn’t mean to chose that way. He didn’t mean to become an alcoholic. He didn’t mean to hurt me. He didn’t mean to fight with my mom or abuse her. He didn’t mean to end up in prison. He didn’t mean to be angry. He didn’t mean to neglect us. He didn’t mean for anything to happen that has happened in his life. He didn’t say this as an excuse. Just pure fact.

The thing is, it started with a first drink. Then a few more. Over time, a few more. Drinking when he was out with friends. Budwieser during football games. Somewhere along the line, without him even noticing, it got just a little out of hand. He couldn’t go more than a couple weeks without going a drink. Then that span shrunk to a couple of days. That shrunk even more. He didn’t realize he had any sort of problem. To him, it was just a choice. He could put it down if he wanted to. But I don’t know that he ever tried. Everyone around him could see the risk and the issues that were arising. They talked to him about it, they bargained with him, they offered help and support. But he still didn’t have a problem. Or so he thought. His own stubbornness allowed the problem he didn’t know he had to grow and grow. It took a long, long time. However, it eventually ruined his family’s lives, and ended his years and years before he should have died.

This was all plainly obvious a long time ago. What gets me now is that it isn’t just MY dad in this scenario. It’s lots of dads and moms. My dad wasn’t alone in this struggle. I’m not the only one who has watched a parent spiral downward. This is a growing issue. The sad part, is that you don’t see it coming.

You may enjoy drinking. That’s fine. I’m not going to sit here and condemn people to hell for drinking. While I don’t drink, I shouldn’t say I never would on occasion. Although, I can almost assuredly say, I never will. It isn’t appealing to me because of what I’ve seen.

Understand a couple of things: First, when I say ‘drink’, I’m not talking about the occasional glass of wine with dinner. I’m talking about drinking and getting drunk. Secondly, I’m not judging people who drink. Please understand that. I’m judging PARENTS that drink.

So, to aforementioned parents:

Who do you think you are? Are you so high, mighty, and powerful that your judgement isn’t ill effected by alcohol? Somewhere along the lines you made the decision to have kids. And even if it was an ‘accident’, you made the decision to keep them. Or you failed to make the decision to give them up. Either way- proactive on your part. Do you think your kids would chose a partying alcoholic if given the option to chose otherwise? No. They wouldn’t. Do you really think your kids won’t notice you coming home so late? They won’t begin to smell it? They won’t be able to look at you and recognize your selfish irresponsibility? Sure, maybe they don’t understand it completely right now. But I promise you one thing- they’ll understand it easier than you can give it up. They’ll know you sooner than you will admit you have a problem. Maybe right now it’s not a problem. But you won’t know it when it is. My fear for you is that one day far from now, your kids will feel towards you the way I feel towards my dad. I love him and always will. But I didn't care to know him or be anything like him. Disappointment is a horrible thing. Especially when it's you doing all the disappointing.

Sure, it’s just a few fun nights out. Or it’s just a few ball games. If anyone, and I mean ANYONE has confronted you on this, you have more of a problem than you think. Especially if it was a spouse, a sibling, or heaven forbid, your child. If you can’t put it down for longer than a month or two, you have a problem. How dare you be so selfish.

I know, I know. You would never let it get that bad. You’ll keep it under control so it doesn’t affect your marriage, your children, and your relationships. Those are all important to you. You are in control and will remain that way. This isn’t very believable because it lacks possibility. Just ask my dad.

Honestly, are you that different?

graceless ballet

2009-08-12T20:24:00.000-07:00

In order for me to get ready for the day without my entire home being destroyed, I have to keep my two year old with me at all times. A prime example of this could be yesterday. I spent a few minutes blow drying my hair while I let her play in the living room. When I came out, what did I find? Black permanent marker all over my white counter tops. Where did she get the marker? No idea.

Having her with me all of the time can be frustrating as she is in to everything I have. Plus, she's at the adorable age where words never cease flowing from her mouth and she hasn't quite mastered volume control. Never a moment to think or process anything before starting the day. It's chaos from moment one.

Recently I was getting ready for work as I grabbed a pair of my favorite Lucky jeans. She was rambling on and on and on about how Mr. Johnson- our neighbor that she is terrified of- is 'such a nice boy' and 'he is not scary. We like him.' as if trying to convince herself of those facts. Needing to say everything she thinks, and lacking the skill of tact at her young age she exclaims mid sentence and wide-eyed, "Mom, you did a plie! You are a ballerina too!"

Sweet, sweet girl. I'm not a ballerina. I'm just getting too fat for my pants. Even though I've gained a few pounds due to being a gimp after foot surgery, there's no excuse to not get rid of them. Otherwise I'll end up being the fattest professional fitness trainer around. Sick.

Peace out fatty. Jade, thanks for the kick in the pants.

lame

2009-07-26T17:45:00.001-07:00

I guess I better come to terms with the fact that while I own a dirt bike, I don't actually get to ride it. I'm done trying.

Dear Christopher,

2009-06-28T09:02:00.001-07:00

I love you. You're my best friend and I can't imagine my life without you. I don't believe in soul mates, but I do believe that God made you just for me. Thank you for loving me so much and always making me feel beautiful.

♥ , me

If she won't change, I will.

2009-06-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Some things never change. You’d think when something never changes you’d get used to the way it is. Why doesn’t it work that way? I got a phone call from my mom tonight and I can’t shake the disappointment it left behind. I hadn’t heard from her in a while and was beginning to wonder if she was okay. She even missed my birthday. While I can consider the crappy excuse for a mom that she’s been over the years; she’s always remembered my birthday.

As soon as she started talking I regretted picking up the phone in the first place. She was high. You know, high on the drugs she swears she gave up years ago. She had no idea that I was even saying words. Not once did she have an appropriate response to anything I said to her. Not once did she even say anything that mattered. She just rambled on and on like some crazy fanatic.

I hung up the phone grateful to no longer try to make small talk with someone who couldn’t make any sense. It kills me that she thinks I don’t notice when she’s high. I hate that she thinks she pulls it off so well. I hate that she thinks I’m so dumb and naive not to know the difference. Does she really think she’s so unaffected by her own actions?

I guess the hardest part for me is that she used to do a lot of drugs. A lot of very hard drugs. Those drugs and her choices were what got us kids taken away from her and put into foster care for the majority of our lives. It was such a crappy experience and she was to blame. Years go by and I try with everything I’ve got to build a relationship with this woman because she’s my mom. I give her the benefit of the doubt even when I know better. For a long time, I fooled myself into accepting her little flaws as part of who she is. In my mind, the fact that she still does drugs is as commonly viewed as my name and the fact I like coffee.

As I sat with the phone pressed to my ear listening to her talk about dry boogers and nasal moisturizing saline solutions, I was watching my little girl run around. Then my sweet little two year old did something that shook me from my hiding place. She asked if she could talk on the phone to Grandma. In that very brief moment I was hit with the weight of the world. I had to tell her no. Luckily she just scampered off without another thought. There was no way I was going to let her talk on the phone right then. I had no idea what words would come pouring out of my mother’s mouth. I realized that rightfully, I didn’t posses the ability to trust my own mom.

I can handle my mother and all that comes with her. I think I have done a pretty fine job of subduing the battle between my emotions and my sense. I’ve pretty well burried the scars she’s left and the hurt she’s made. Tonight I realized thats wrong. Tonight I realized and can see for the first time how much effort it took to build whatever fake view of her I have. Somehow I have forced myself to accept these issues and I shouldn’t have. Never would I tolerate somebody coming into my home stoned. Is Grandma really an exception to that?

Never do I want my children to feel the need to justify moral issues. I’m terrified by the thought of them growing up into adults who do so. I wouldn’t be able to blame them as I am currently a prime example of ‘poor judgement justification’.

That ends now. I am going to let myself be shocked when she calls drunk. I’m going to allow myself to feel the sadness and disappointment of her higher than a kite monologues. I will let myself feel these things because it will keep me raw and aware enough to protect my children.

joy of my heart

2009-04-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few pictures of the girls from Easter.

+ and -

2009-03-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

+'s

1. It's Saturday and other than a baby shower and laundry, I haven't got much to do

2. It seems as though we might be near the end of the adoption process for Jade

3. Haley's getting married and moving back up here to Hume, which means I'll have a friend

4. My husband thinks I'm beautiful

5. Meranda has stayed healthy and Lord willing she will continue that way until we can get her medical insurance

-'s

1. I'm so tired of not having enough time Monday through Friday to get everything done

2. There is still such a long legal process before Meranda is ours, and the paperwork is overwhelming

3. Christopher is at work on his day off and i miss him

4. My right foot is messed up and the only way to fix it is surgery... like I have time for that

5. It's supposed to snow tomorrow. what the heck.

give me a break

2009-02-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

Here's a question- why is it assumed that because I didn't give birth to my daughters that I'm a moron? No, really? Is it some sort of natural law that I don't know about that unless you experience childbirth, you're an idiot when it comes to children? This is a touchy subject to me (consider yourself warned). I understand that there are a lot of people, even women, who know next to nothing about babies. I get that. Just because someone hasn't pushed a person out of their body doesn't mean they're ignorant. Even more- just because you have carried a pregnancy full term, doesn't mean that you're some how some sort of baby genius. So here's the deal; stop assuming I'm stupid. I know how to hold a baby. I know how to change a diaper, and I even know how to feed them. While I appreciate your advice, (well, sort of, but mostly not at all) you might want to give advice that's needed, or wanted. Don't assume that you're some sort of 'super-mom' and that I need you to tell me how to hold a baby or how to put the S and H together to make the shhh-ing sound. If you have advice on more trivial things, I'm all ears. But think before you speak and stop talking down to me.

pictures

2009-02-15T07:01:00.002-08:00

Here are some pictures that have been sitting on my camera for a little while. I shot a lot of Meranda so I could have some cute pictures to send to Lindsay in Iraq, Evan in Virginia, and Cait who's in Missouri. They haven't met her yet so I figured it the least I could do. Aren't I nice?

I ♥ my mac

2009-02-15T06:50:00.001-08:00

See? I told you I'd come back.

Yesterday we went and got a new computer. Finally. Ours had been hating us for a while and it finally decided to die. We're better off. It was old and annoying. It ran slower than slow and would freeze all the time. Not to mention how it would just shut off randomly. Although, I will say this- back in its prime it was a great computer. Anyhow, with part of our tax return we bought a Mac. I love it! At first I wasn't so sold on Macs. But once I played with one for a little while I fell in love. I'm very glad my pc died. Having a Mac is fabulous. :)

from the silence

2009-02-13T17:15:00.000-08:00

Dear reader,

I haven't forgotten you.

My computer died.

I will blog again when I get a new one.

Soon.

♥

morning sickness

2009-01-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

if you've ever experienced it, you know it so unmistakeably well. It's a sickness that sits dull and deep, not relenting. Each time you've felt it, you knew what it meant. A baby was coming. That's what it all boiled down to. This same bottom line showed it's face to me last Thursday when I woke up feeling sick.

I woke up really sick. The day was dragging on and it was miserable. Never once did it cross my mind that our lives were about to change dramatically. Never once did I stop to think that maybe, just maybe, a baby was coming. I was just sick like the rest of them.

I should have known last Thursday that it was actually morning sickness from my 24 hour pregnancy rather than the flu. I would have been much more prepared.

okay, for some serious details...

Most the world knows that our little girl, Jade, isn't actually ours. We're adopting her. It was a long journey to get to where we are, and we're so thankful for her. I think back to a year ago as we eagerly waited to go through each step of approval through the foster care system so we could have her specifically. I remember talking to her birth mom on the phone when she told me that she wanted to get Jade back, but she was pregnant again and couldn't possibly have two babies. She said that she would get Jade back and then adopt to us the new baby that was just starting to grow. Only- she failed to get Jade back from social services and we got to bring her home instead. We were (and still are) blown away by how God orchestrated all of it.

God didn't stop there. Jade's birth mom had her second baby at the beginning of October. A little girl named Meranda Rae. Shortly afterwards, she gave the baby to a family who wanted to adopt. We felt like Jade and Meranda should be together. For a while, my heart was very set on having her. We had hoped that we would be able to raise Meranda if she couldn't be raised by her mom. We wanted Jade to have her sister. In spite of all that, we knew that God is sovereign. We could rest in the fact that His plan is better than ours. We knew that Meranda was being well taken care of and loved, so we went our way.

During lunch on Thursday I got a phone call out of the blue from a social worker who is in charge of Meranda's case. She wanted us to come down to get the baby the next day. Without hesitating we packed up and headed for southern cali. Well, I hesitated a little so I could throw up from time to time. ;)

Friday afternoon we met with the social worker to sign papers, and best of all- to finally meet Meranda for the first time. Though we had come to peace with the way things were, my heart had this special, very sensitive spot just for that sweet little girl. After months and months, she was finally to be ours. We were so surprised!

Through a series of details that I'm still unsure of, the family that was going to adopt Meranda could no longer do so. Even more than that- Meranda's birth mom decided that she wanted her to be with us. Because of time restraints, things had to move quickly. We had less than 24 hours notice from the time we found out about her being placed with us until we actually had her in our arms. Today ends day 4 with her and we couldn't' be more in love.

Jade is slowly coming around to the idea that there is another child in the house. At first she wouldn't have anything to do with the baby. When asked if she wanted to see the baby, she would sigh and reply, " No thank you please." and walk away. Today she helped feed her and made sure meranda had plenty of toys all day long. She even sang "Jesus Loves Me" to help the baby fall asleep. They are so precious and wonderful.

The road ahead is still a long one. We don't really know exactly how to accomplish everything we need to accomplish, but we're trusting that God will get us through. Because Meranda was never a ward of the court like Jade is (a foster child), we are having to do everything without the help and support of Social Services. We have to file for guardianship and all of that on our own. Not only is all of it daunting because we don't know what we're doing, but also because we're paying out of pocket for all the expenses. We know that God will provide, but it is a lot to take in all at once.

Anyway, there's the update for you. So stop bugging me. Just kidding.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us, and more so for these wonderful little girls God has allowed us to have in our lives. Pray that it's permanent. :)

that's what she said

2008-11-19T18:35:00.000-08:00

I know I will be judged, but I've come to terms with it. I just can't help it. I think 'thats what she said' jokes are hilarious. I never say them, but when somebody else does, I can't help but laugh. They're just so funny!

Red Ribbon Week

2008-11-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while a moment comes along that takes you back in time. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it takes you back to an event that completely defined part of who you are. Recently, I had one of those moments. I've been meaning to write about it before now, but I haven't really had the chance.

A couple of weeks ago schools across the nation celebrated Red Ribbon Week. Not an overly significant week to most people. As I sat in the classroom with the students I work with, it caused an inward struggle of feelings from long ago to arise. Completely unexpected and caught totally off guard, I couldn't begin to grasp the effects this had on me. I sat in the back of the class almost numb.

I'm 25 years old. Drugs aren't a new concept to me. Nor is alcohol. And when offered, don't worry. I know to "Just say NO." That was drilled into my head in third grade when the D.A.R.E. program came to my school for Red Ribbon Week. That's what your supposed to walk away with after Red Ribbon Week, right? To just say NO.

I walked away with a lot more that week. I never talked about it, and it wasn't until this last Red Ribbon Week that I realized fully how much it effected me. At my school, they talked about how drugs and alcohol were bad. That wasn't new information to me. Even in third grade, I knew that. But I hadn't realized just what 'bad' meant. Nor did I have a clear definition of what drugs were. I just knew bad people used drugs. End of thought. On the first day of that ever so memorable week, I remember our teacher vaguely describing what drugs were so we could recognize them. Though I thought I was grown up and mature back then, I can't believe it was deemed appropriate to describe and show pictures of drugs to eight year olds. I guess that's just what our world had come to.. even back then. Slowly the pictures and words sank into the pit of my soul. It was all familiar. Too familiar. Every day when I went home from school I encountered the exact same substances that were being shown in the classroom. I suddenly understood what the little mirrors and razor blades were for. I remember feeling sick to my stomach because the white powder on the mirror was a drug. Worse than all of that- I knew my mom liked it. Before this day, I had never given those objects much thought. They were just there. I went home brokenhearted and somewhat in shock.

The following day- or perhaps the day after that, they talked more in depth about the people who would do such sad and horrible things like drugs. They told us those people were sick and needed help. They said they were bad and sometimes made very bad choices. They told us if they didn't get help, they would get more sick and hurt themselves. After that day, I was determined to help my mom. She needed it. Didn't she? I spent the entire day after school thinking about how I would help her and how I would tell somebody that she needed help. I looked at my my and I was genuinely sad for her. I wondered if she knew how bad her drugs were.

Those thoughts were abruptly broken to pieces the following day. The school had police officers come talk to us about D.A.R.E. I don't really remember what they said, but one of my first thoughts were about the black shirts they were giving away. Big red letters boldly proclaiming a stand against drugs. I liked the thought, but it terrified me to think about what would happen if I had shown up at home with one. What sort of conflict would that cause? Would it make my mom or her friends mad? Would their anger get mixed up with one of those 'bad decisions' that the drugs cause? I knew I couldn't have one of those shirts.

On the verge of tears I sat cross legged on the blacktop as we watched a police officer and his trained German shepherd demonstrate how they find drugs when the bad people hide them. At eight years old, I was forced to wrestle with the enormous weight of processing everything I was dealing with. Towards the end of the demonstration I was horrified when the police officer proudly showed us kids how the dog can attack a person by charging them, jumping up and biting their forearm, wrestling them to the ground. That was it. Decision made. I couldn't tell a soul that my mom was 'sick' or 'bad'.

In my little mind; Drugs were bad. People who did drugs were bad. It made them sick. They need help. Helping them means making them get attacked by a big dog.

Night after night, day after day, my head and heart were overwhelmed with all of this. It literally made me physically sick and depressed as I tried to figure it all out. I didn't understand how telling a teacher, who would tell the cops, who would bring their dogs to bite my mom- could possibly help her. It just didn't make sense. If I didn't tell anyone, she would get more sick. If I did tell them, hell would reign down. I loved my mom and I didn't know what to do. Either choice seemed horrible.

Just a few weeks after I became aware of all those things, police showed up and arrested my mom. Child Protective Services came and took me, my sister, and my brother away. I clearly recall standing in our front yard as neighbors and police and many other strangers swarmed my home. Across the street sat my mom in a police car. Handcuffed, and alone. I remember crying because I was scared. More than fear, I felt regret. I felt so sad for her that she was so sick. I wondered how my mom, who loved me, could be so bad. I wondered how people knew she was bad. I never told anyone. Standing there, looking her in the eyes from across the street, I still couldn't decide if I should have told someone sooner. Maybe she wouldn't be so sad if I said something when I found out. Maybe she would have. Maybe my teachers noticed me crying and knew. Maybe it was my fault she was locked in the car crying. That day I lost everything but my brother and sister. Although, a week after that we lost my sister when we got split up into different foster homes.

This year, Red Ribbon Week brought it all back and made me very aware of the scars I carry with me. It made me re-think all those same thoughts, irrational as they were. More than that; it gave me a new perspective on the fragile, sensitive little hearts children can't help but wear on their sleeve.

...

2008-10-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

some people make me so mad i feel sick to my stomach. i'm not so possitive that hitting them wouldn't cure their hypocrisy. i'd like to think i'm bigger than that, so i'll never really know for sure.

..j.o.y..

2008-10-24T16:11:00.000-07:00

i miss my babies. that's it. not in a depressing sort of way. more in a 'what if' kind of way. what if they'd lived? what if i didn't have to miss them?

despite it all, i am at peace with it. i knew God would get me to the place from which i could look back on the last few years and not regret a thing. from where i sit, i'd say this is the place. i don't fully understand God's plan and reason. i don't think i'll know this side of heaven why He allowed our babies to be conceived and lost. but i do believe He is sovereign. there is one thing i know well, and i know it will full confidence; if our babies lived- any of them- we wouldn't have been able to give a home to jade. she is so precious and wonderful. and while she in no way replaces the little lives that we lost, she brings us a new kind of joy. a healing joy.

even though my heart still, and forever will ache for my little ones, i know i am blessed beyond measure.

tagged

2008-10-21T15:16:00.001-07:00

I was recently- wait, scratch that. What a lie. It wasn't recently. Start again- I was 'tagged' over a week ago by my dear friend (see blogs I read: the velvet cloud) and told I needed to post seven random things about myself. Originally, I wasn't going to it, but here I am with laundry to be done, and a rare opportunity for a greatly needed nap. What better thing to do than post seven completely random things about myself? Here we go.

1. I always, ALWAYS, always put my right shoe on first.

2. I honestly and very literally cannot eat a sandwich or hamburger unless it's cut in half. I just can't do it.

3. I think Christmas trees are stupid.

4. If addiction is genetic, I'm screwed. Although, what a great excuse (crutch) for my current coffee addiction.

5. I can't chew gum. It hurts my jaw.

6. Anatomy and physiology fascinate me more than anything else in life.

7. I can think of at least 5 things off the top of my head that I would change about my physical appearance if given the opportunity.

this and that

2008-10-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

+'s...

My Beaner's mugs got here today. I ♥ them.

We're already a quarter way through the school year. Wow, it's gone by fast!

My hubby brought me roses and they're currently making my dining room table gorgeous.

I made a really cute Fall-ish centerpiece with the pumpkins Jade picked out from the pumpkin patch yesterday.

We just bought some adorable things for Jade to wear in the lovely cold weather.

-'s...

The cold I have is kicking my butt. I want to cry.

It's 10:15pm and I'm just now finishing work.

I'm worried that we won't ever have more than one child.

In the process of switching my wardrobe form summer to winter, I've completely destroyed my bedroom and laundry room.

I miss my family and I hate that it will be so long before I see them again.

i need a big stick

2008-10-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I was reading through some news articles online and I came across one that really blew me away. It actually made me mad. No, this has nothing to do with politics. Although, those news articles more often than not make me mad as well. This was about a lesbian couple in PA who were suing their sperm donor for child support. Yes, you read that right. Let’s break this down, shall we?

First- it's not a great idea to get me started on the whole lesbian thing. I think it's disgusting. And instead of saying anything more and running the sure fire risk of hurting all the feelings belonging to you ladies who like other ladies, I'll leave it at that. It's disgusting.

Second- the very fact that it's not even possible for them to have a child together (under any circumstances) should be red flag enough that their choice making skills may be sub-par. Sure, there are always exceptions to the laws of life, but generally speaking; sperm meets egg: baby is made. Never once did anybody throw two eggs together and create life. Hello? So, fine. These two women want to have a baby. So they use sperm donation. Side note- how do they decide who's going to carry the pregnancy? In heterosexual relationships, that decision is made. No question about it. So, when given the choice, what does that conversation look like? Just an interesting thought.

Third- they find a guy whose sperm they want to use. Via insemination, one of them becomes pregnant. They have the baby, and things seem fine. They decide they want another one. They use the same guy’s sperm so the kids are related. That, too, seems fine. Until they decide they don't want to be each other’s life partners anymore. (Sad pouty face) They had filed for legal partnership or whatever you call it, so they are both equally responsible for the children. After the split, we'll say Lady A has custody. Lady B pays child support.

Fourth- Lady B decides it's just too much of a financial burden to pay all that money towards the lives of the children she decided should be brought into the world. Her novel idea? Go after the sperm donor! You know, the nice guy who made all their dreams come true- the guy who gave them they one thing they couldn't give each other- children.

Never in American history has it ever been legally demanded that three adults be financially responsible for a child. It's always been two. Mom and dad, mom and mom, dad and dad, aunt and uncle, grandma and grandpa- whatever. So the odds of their winning the case would seem unlikely. Not to mention the fact that the guy was just the donor! Now, once again, what are the odds of them winning the case? To me, it seems like a no brainer. Of course they shouldn’t win. Duh. They have to be stupid to even try something like that with hopes of winning. Ahh, but wait-

They won the case and the poor donor has to pay $1200 a month.

This makes me want to go sock them in the face. Or at least go to the gym and build up my upper body and hit them from behind with a stick.

cait-bo-bait

2008-10-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

This is my sister, Caitlyn. She's graduating from basic training in the Army in just a couple of days. I'm so proud of her. I'm not sure where she's off to next for her AIT, but I'm sure she'll do great.

I love you Cait!

i'm not racist. i'm amused.

2008-10-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

Some may say I have a bad sense of humor. I'm not going to debate that because I can't change what I think is funny. If you're offended by this post (or any others, for that matter) you'll have to get over it. Or, as a novel idea, stop reading my blog. Now I've got you intrigued, right?

Back in 2005 Hubby and I took a trip to Michigan to visit my mom. While there we came across this wonderful coffee shop. We ventured into the shop a number of times during our week there. I'd be completely lying if I told you it was because the coffee was good. It was marginally drinkable. I'd also be lying if I told you we went there out of convenience, as if it was the closest coffee place to my mom's house. We passed a few Starbucks on the way. It would also take a lie for me to tell you that their customer service was the selling factor. People were rude in this particular little coffee venue. It was called Beaner's Gourmet Coffee. Ah, now you see why I was amused enough to go back time after time.

While I paid due respect to the cleverness of the name in relation to coffee beans, I couldn't leave with the belief that they had no concept of the derogatory term that hung outside their shop. Where I come from, beaners is a no-no to say to someone. Unless of course you wanted to get punched by the big Hispanic dude who's path you next cross. Understandably so, being white and thus being called cracker wasn't always great. Although, as pasty as I am, I can't blame anybody for calling me that. Praise Jesus for sunless tanning lotion.

Anyhow, I went online to buy more Beaner's travel mugs but they're no longer being called Beaner's. Hmmm... I can't at all understand why. Now they're called Biggby Coffee. How blah is that? Luckily for me, I found one last style of 'Beaner's Signature Design' mugs and I bought three. Just in case those disappear.

twice made. twice spilled.

2008-10-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Friday morning I made coffee. It got spilled. I made another one during lunch. It got spilled. By 3pm, I had a horrible headache. Maybe I should drink less coffee so I'm not so addicted? Ha, that's a funny joke. Oh, and for the record, I wasn't responsible for spilling either. I wasn't a fan of small children that day.

big dog

2008-10-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

Even though I havent' had time to blog, I have something I want to blog about. But that will have to wait because today is October 1st. Not a day very significant to most of you, I realize. Today marks 6 months exactly since we met, fell in love with, and brought home Jade. Six months exactly. It has gone by so fast!

So, in honor of today, I will recap a conversation that happened yesterday:

While outside the general store, Jade and I ran into Edward Lilley (affectionately known as Pal), Calen Plouffe, and David Hartmann. They were all talking to Jade, and just as I have taught her, she was acting shy. (she's learning the rules of hard to get at an early age.) After a few minutes she began to come out of her shell and be her normal silly self.

"What's your name?" the boys asked.

With a shrug of her little shoulders, "Big Dog."

"Your name is Big Dog?"

"Yeah."

First she named herself Lorelei (yeah, she really did) and now she's wanting to be called Big Dog. I'm not so sure about this one.

okay, okay, okay..

2008-09-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

I know the majority of my last blogs have all been pretty boring and all about Jade. Not that she's boring. You know what I mean. I miss actually writing about things. I think picture blogs are not me at all. I have all sorts of things to blog about, and yet instead I just post pictures. Granted, they're basically the cutest things ever, but nonetheless, boring. I think I just feel like I finally have some freedom to post about Jade. For several months I was so unsure of whether or not we would get to keep her. I didn't want to seem presumptuous, nor did I want to offend those of you who were hoping we wouldn't get to keep her. I couldn't blame you. But now that it seems more for sure, I just have to share with the world how amazing she is.

I'll write about something interesting soon. Well, it will be interesting to me anyway. You might not find it worth your time. But at least it will be words on a the page. Maybe I'll tell all about another giant lie I told. Those are always funny.