don't make me threaten you

This afternoon Jade said three very powerful words. Immediately, most of you thought of the words, 'i love you'. But that would hardly be worth writing about since she says it all of the time. Arguably more to Christopher than to me... little snot. What Jade said today was this, " Get out here!" She said all three words with such clarity and command that it shocked me. The setting behind why she said it is hilarious.

She has been really into potty training lately. All on her own. Today during lunch she said she needed to go, so I grab her from her highchair and whisked her to the bathroom. Sure enough, she went. So I gave her some of her "bear bears" (teddy grahams). A little while later she went again and asked for candy this time. I of course gave her a little piece. Not long after she finished her little piece of sweetly sour candy, she asked for another one. Surely, I'm no dummy.

I explained that she can only have candy when she goes potty like a big girl. Almost immediately, she asks to go again. Not wanting to squelch her enthusiasm about the whole thing, yet knowing she's only wanting more candy and probably doesn't have to really go, I quickly take her and set her down. She waits quietly for a few moments and then looks down. "Where is it?" she asks me. I told her she had to make it come out.

She looks down with a furrowed brow and loudly declares, "Get out here!"

Then she fell in. Silly girl.

time isn't as great at they say

I miss my dad. That's basically all. They say that time heals, but lets be honest- that's a load of crap. All time does is allow you more opportunity to desperately learn how to cope with the grief. I'll never stop missing him, and the ache will never go away. I hate that he died. No amount of patting my back and saying, "just give it time.." is going to change that. I didn't cut my finger... my dad died. Note the difference.

I feel the same way about my five babies ♥. I think I just hate death and loss. I sometimes envy those who have never lost anyone close. Until a few years ago, I just thought everyone lost at least someone. But I've actually met people who have never had to miss someone the way that I do. It's strange to me because in my life, I've lost a lot. -to the point that it almost feels normal. So strange.

I don't want sympathy. I just wanted to vent. I hate that I didn't get to say good bye. Sometimes I think that's the most unfair part of all.

she must know I am fond of the silliness

Jade and I were on our own tonight for dinner, bath, and bed time. She quickly turned my easy meal of spaghetti into a phenomenal mess. As you can see, she seems quite proud of herself. I thought a big bubble bath would be fun before heading to bed. She usually doesn't like bubbles at all, but I'm glad I gave them another shot. As the water was draining from the tub she looked down at the white foam and said, "bye-bye bubbles." with a big grin. She has such a joyful, silly personality.

You know, it's a shame she's not a happy little girl. Wouldn't you say?

I'm amazed. A face this messy and her eyes are what stand out. Go figure.

I think this is quite possibly my favorite picture ever. She's so funny

Jade insisted the turtle say "cheese" for the camera.

unlucky ten minutes

This morning in a matter of ten minutes, I got to my sitter's house to realize she's not home, my Suzuki overheated, and on the way to find someone else to watch Jade, I spilled coffee on my white pants. I then arrived to work one minute late... which coffee on my paints... hopefully the second half of the day goes better.

niceness can't possibly pay off every time, right?

One time when I was at summer camp, I told a lie. Although, you might consider it many, many, many lies. I'm not sure. Each and every lie tied together nicely to make one big, fat, horrible, yet convincingly funny lie.

Here's the story. My friend Gina and I met this girl name Kris on the first day of camp. And for some reason, Gina and I thought it would be funny to tell the girl that I was mentally handicapped. For the sake of saving a little dignity, lets say it was Gina's idea and I just fell victim to peer pressure. Besides, what harm could it do? It's just one meal, right? The camp was really big and we didn't plan to see Kris again since she was with a different group.

We were eating our first meal and she sat with us. By the end of dinner, we had fed her an entire story about how bad off I was. I rambled on and on and on with my very convincing speech impediment about my 'special school' and my 'special teacher, Miss Gregory'. I pulled the name out of thin air, then began assembling a fictitious character that I would end up 'crying' for each and every day. Out of her big, big heart she offered to pour me more lemonade. Sweet, right? And that's just the beginning.

Because Kris felt so badly for me; that I was at camp away from my family and my ever so beloved Miss Gregory, she made a point to follow me around the ENTIRE week. Gina and I were not expecting her to ditch her group and hang with us. Oh, but she did. What were we to do? That's right... keep lying! All week long she did my crafts, she tied my shoes, she cut my food, she styled my hair, she helped me walk up all the big hills, she helped me swim... the list goes on and on. All the while Kris thinks my friend Gina is the very responsible camper who was put in charge of my well-being while at camp. If only she knew that my sensational unkempt look of mismatched clothes and ratty hair was all attributed to Gina's handiwork.

With all the intricate details that went into the ever growing lie, the one thing that still gets me is the fact that very few people knew what we were up to. Not even the kids in our group knew that we were completely taking advantage of poor little Kris. We were careful to play our cards just right.

Finally, the last day of camp came and we were all busy packing and cleaning our cabins. I was left alone in my cabin while everyone else was taking their luggage out to the buses. In comes Kris. She was supposed to be on the other side of camp packing HER stuff. What was she doing in my cabin?

Game Face. She had come to say goodbye. She was very sweet and encouraging as she told me how glad she was to have met me, and how she will never forget me. (which, by the way, I'm sure ended up being the exact truth.) A twinge of guilt crept in just as I was saying goodbye, again, with slurred and struggled speech.

Sitting on the floor, I listened to Kris walk toward the door behind me. With perfect clarity I say, "Wait." Kris turned around. "I'm not really retarded."

"You're not?" her mouth agape.

"Nope."

"Oh. Okay..."

And out she slowly walked with a look of shock and wonder on her face. That was the last I saw of Kris.

Did I mention this was church camp?

A lot of people always ask why I don't blog very much about whats going on with Jade and our hope of adopting her. I have wanted to, but I've been a little afraid. I guess I just wanted to see how things played out before I wrote anything. Just in case we had to give her up. With recent court hearings, it seems as though we will get to be her forever family!

Some of you already are aware, but I thought I would share the news with everyone else. We received our first batch of adoption paperwork in the mail last week. What's so exciting about paperwork? It means that we finally get to start the process of actually adopting Jade. We are finally heading down the path of permanency!

Bringing Jade home was amazing. And even though it was just short of five months ago, it seems like she's been ours forever. To be honest, I don't think my heart could handle it if she didn't get to be ours forever. Knowing that decisions have been made and Lord willing, we get to keep her- I'm amazed. We feel so blessed to have her. She is such an amazing littler girl and she has healed our hearts so much in the last few months. She is our world and we are so excited to see what God has in store for our little family.

Please be praying as we start the tedious process of adoption. A lot of work has to be done and there are many, many, many steps to take before anything can be finalized. Keep not only us, but her social workers as well, in your prayers over the next several months.

This is Jade when we first picked her up. April 1, 2008

stupid

Haley's moving and I hate it.



That's all.

a few of the cute one

Here are a few pictures of Jade from the cove on Saturday.

Thanks for the pictures Haley!

Jade loves feeding Hayden all of her food

She was really excited about Oreos and salsa

Jade would only take a nap if Hayden took one with her... she's in love

some things just need to be said

I was recently told that some things just need to be said. I think it's true, so here you go-

I hate, HATE, hate, when people bribe kids into doing things they don't want to do. The worst one that gets me so mad is, "I'm not going to put you down until you give me a kiss.." What the heck is that?!? If they don't even want to be near you, what makes you think they want to kiss you just then? Or, "you can have your juice, but you have to give me a hug first.." Just because kids are small doesn't mean it's okay for you to use them for your own self gratification. If you need a kiss THAT bad, get some counseling. Besides, at some point, doing that to children is illegal. Think about it. But where's the line? There is a reason it's disgusting to do this to a thirteen year old girl... why is it different for a one or two year old? I swear, the next time someone does that to Jade I'm going to grab them by the throat and not let go until they give me a massage, french braid my hair, and tell me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.


I've been noticing lately that more and more people seem to not wash their hands after going to the restroom. Hello!!? That's so gross. I'm tempted to say something each time I see it happen. And there's no mistaking it when someone goes into the restroom, I hear the toilet flush, and see the door fly open before the handle on the tank can even go back up. Give me a break. You're a freak and need to take microbiology.


Obviously, since I'm not some wealthy self-employed individual, I answer to someone. Just like most of you do. I can't stand when a boss gives me a project and doesn't think through what they're asking me. Have high expectations, that's fine. But at least be somewhat reasonable. I give my last day as full time because I'm switching jobs, and they want me to stick with my current full time job in addition to my new part time job for three weeks?? That's seventy hour weeks! And not even necessary as far as my responsibilities go. I've got a life; a husband, a one year old, and I've got a brain. So, no. Deal with it.


Lastly, yes I wear bikinis when I lay out. I don't care what you think. I'm not forcing you to wear one. Nor am I parading around your house in one. You've never even seen me in a bikini, so don't act all offended. It's not a big deal. How am I supposed to get tan?

Feel free to add your own. It's nice to get a few things out there.

whilst in texas

Here is a simple break down of what us girls did while we were in Texas

Allison looked at dirty pictures she found lying around down town

Lindsay laid around reading all the live long day

I took lots of rad pictures

Jade spent her time trying to look pretty in spite of the suffocating temperatures