Thankfulness, Day 3

Today, I am thankful for being a mom. If there's one thing I've learned in the last handful of years, its that being a mom isn't a given just because I'm an adult female. During all of our miscarriages the idea of being a mom began to drift further and further away. I knew in my heart God had a family in mind for us, but I would be lying if I said doubt was never running rampant in my mind and heart. 

Today we had such a fun day with Lorelei and Addison. We went to this Family Fun day at the local library. There were clowns and fire breathers and a snake charmer. There was even a 'stilt walker'. Although, arguably, he was more of a 'stilt stander' than a 'walker' as he wasn't actually capable of moving without falling. We had so much fun together even though the entire event was incredibly cheesy. The girls loved it, and that alone made standing around all day totally worth it. 

Later today we went to Starbucks. We each got our delicious drinks as we sat and played UNO as a family for a while. Prior to children, if I were going to sit at Starbucks for an extended period of time, you can bet it wouldn't be to play UNO. Or any other card game. Ever. But having kids changes everything.

Each night I get to tuck the girls into bed. We have a cute little routine that we go through each evening. They both pray, then I pray. Then it's lots of hugs and kisses. As I hug each of them I tell them one thing from the day that made me proud of them, and I remind them that I LOVE being their mom and I am so glad they're mine. As I walk out of their room, Lorelei, without fail says, "Sweet dreams, Mom! I love you, Mom! Good night, Mom! Muahh! Mom!" My night just isn't the same without those sweet little words. And I know the day is coming when she'll decide not to say them anymore. My heart already dreads it.

The thing about being a mom is that it's a lot of work. More than anyone realizes until you're a mom. but more than all of that- being a mom changes you. From the inside out. It starts in the mind and in the heart and very quickly the role of 'mom' completely transforms who you are.  For the better.

I know there are parts of my life that would just be meaningless and empty if it weren't for the children that call me Mom. My entire future is geared towards these precious little people that own my heart, and I wouldn't have it any other way because anything else just seems frivolous and selfish. It's often said that people are generally happiest when pouring into and giving to others. If you do it right, being a mom means endlessly and relentlessly dong just that. Giving and pouring into your children with all you have, from the deepest parts of who you are. It's both exhausting and exhilarating.  It's draining and refreshing. It's biter and it's sweet. It's equally sacrifice and reward. 

And no matter the kind of day, no matter the frustrations, the challenges, the strong wills of tiny people- I am so undeservingly blessed to be trusted with all three of these children. I thank God daily that He would allow me to be their mom. I am so humbled that He would choose me, of all people, to guide and mold Lorelei, Addison, and Jackson. The fact that I get to be their mom is just astounding. Simple as that.  

I am very thankful for them, and very thankful for the role I get to play in their lives. I love being a mom. 


Lorelei- "I'm thankful for all of the blessings that God gives us. I like that we get blessings like real good movies and funny ones, too. And ones that have happy endings. I also like all of our pictures, and those are blessings, too.  And money because then we get to buy lots of stuff. And that's what dads are for. To get us money. God blessed us with a good dad who gets us money."

Addison- "I'm thankful that God makes us and that Daddy made my name Rain because that's my middle name. I love the name Rain because Daddy named me that. That's all I am really thankful for right now."

Thankfulness, Day 2

I am so very thankful for this little family of mine. I can't event think about it without a smile crossing my face. I had no idea I could love 4 people as much as I love Christopher, Lorelei, Addison, and Jackson. My heart literally didn't comprehend the amount and depth of love it would feel before I had them in my life. 

I think back to when Christopher and I were first married. I knew he was the one God wanted for me, and I am so thankful that I stepped in faith rather than following advice from people. I knew our life would be an adventure, and I knew we'd have a family one day. I had no idea the adventure would be in the getting. I just love that our family is built so uniquely. People sometimes comment on how cute our family is, or how our children look just like us, or how we have the cookie cutter family. And I love that though it may seem so on the outside, our little family unit is far from cookie cutter. 

Each of our children have such different stories- all with God's hand prints across them. I even love each of the journeys God took us on as he built our family one child at a time. 

I am so thankful that I get to be married to Christopher and walk through life with him as his wife. I am humbled that God would allow me that role with such an awesome man. 

I am beyond thankful to be Mom to Lorelei, Addison, and Jackson. Three completely different little people that not only challenge me on a daily basis, but bring me more joy than I ever knew possible. I love them so much and am so thankful God made them just for me.  

Lorelei- "I'm thankful for the green dress up dress that I have. I love it because it's green and that's my favorite color and it has diamonds and I love diamonds. I also love it because, well, we get to wear it a lot. And that you made it for us. I'm thankful that it's my favorite color."

Addison- "I'm still thankful for Jackson. I'm thankful that he got born because I love him. He loves me too so much."

Thankfulness, Day 1

I woke up this morning trying to decide what I would write as my first thing to be thankful for this month. Should this go in some specific order??? No, that would be crazy and impossible, I think. Should the first thing I write about be the thing I am absolutely most thankful for? What is that, even? I mean, yes, I could say my salvation. But that seems cliche and very much like a sunday school answer during flannel-graph story time. 

I went over all sorts of things in my head that I'm thankful for and the thing that kept coming to the forefront is that idea that I am thankful for the opportunity to be thankful. That sounds ridiculous, right? I thought so too, at first. Hey, you don't always have to agree with your own thoughts. Or maybe you're supposed to and I'm a freak. Either way.

To be thankful for the opportunity to be thankful... I think the thing of it is that I feel like I 'get' to be thankful more easily than a lot of people.  As I ponder what to write about during Thanksgiving, I have a hard time deciding. Not because it's such a difficult task to pin point anything to be thankful for, but because I have such an abundance of things to thankful for. That doesn't even bring to mention the things I SHOULD be thankful for that I'm probably never even recognize. 

Growing up (until about age 8) I really didn't have a whole lot to be thankful for. Not in the same sense that we often consider thankfulness. I remember one Thanksgiving at school we had to make a craft that centered around the things we were thankful for. Immediately kids started drawing and cutting and glueing as they listed all sorts of fun things they were thankful for. Their new bike, their nice house, new shoes, favorite toys. Even some less materialistic things like their family pet, good food every day, and family. I sat for a while thinking about what I would put on my page and nothing jumped to mind very quickly. I distinctly remember my teacher coming over to me and asking what I was thankful for as if to spur on my productivity. 

"Well, do you have any new toys you're thankful for?" she asked.

"No, not really." I said sheepishly, thinking back to the last new toy I had gotten. I had had a birthday party over a year prior and my dad showed up out of nowhere and brought me hundreds of dollars worth of toys. A Barbie dream house, a Teddy Rucksbin (or however you spell that), and everything else under the sun that a little girl could dream of wanting. But then he disappeared again and I hadn't heard from or seen him. Missing my dad made it hard to care about the toys. They just reminded me that he was gone. Sure, I had gotten toys, but what I really wanted was my dad.

"Well, what about your nice house?" My teacher continued.

Little did she know my 'nice house' was on the verge of being condemned, it had plywood where windows had been broken out, hot water was hit and miss, and you couldn't see the floor for all the junk and trash scattered about. And the only food it had in it were the many boxes of Doritos that had been taken out of the back of a high jacked semi truck destined for Target. Which of my mom's friends stole it and parked it in our yard, I have no idea. But it was there and it was loaded full of chips and flip flops, if I remember correctly. So, that's what we ate for a while even after the police took the semi back. So, I just sat quietly. 

"How about your mom or your dad? Surely you're thankful to have a mom and a dad to take care of you."

"Yeah, I guess so." So that's what I put on my craft. A picture of my mom and my dad. I was thankful for them. Just not in the same way a lot of other kids seemed to be thankful for their parents. I wasn't thankful for them because of how well they took care of me, or how much they loved me. I was thankful for them purely based on the idea that they were my parents. That was it. In truth, and despite how well they kept it together when I was much younger, the only concept of 'parents' I had was my mom as a drug addict, laying lifelessly on her water bed for hours and hours on end all day long. And my dad was in and out of our lives, gone for months at a time. He'd show up for the day and act like life was great. 

That story isn't for the sake of pity, but rather contrast. How different my life is now as an adult, and even in my later childhood. Once I was removed from that situation, I suddenly had all sorts of things to be thankful for. And it seems to have increased consistently ever since. Seeing that change over the years has made me incredibly aware of just how overwhelmingly thankful I should be.

Sure, as an adult looking back, I can find things to be thankful for during that time of my life. However, most are more philosophical and theoretical than tangible. 

So that brings me to today. The thing is, I don't have to sit at a desk and have a teacher help me brainstorm what I'm thankful for. I don't have to think hard, search far, or dig deep for things to appreciate and recognize as blessings. My life is so full of blatantly incredible things and circumstances, finding things to list this month is easy. 

There's no way I could even pretend I lack the opportunity to be thankful. 

And for that, I give thanks. 

Lorelei- “I’m thankful for Bella because she’s the best dog in the whole wide world. She’s so cute and I love her so every morning I kiss her.”

Addison- “I’m thankful for Jackson that he’s so cute and I kiss him a lot and I get to hold him. I just love him a lot. And we have so much fun and I am a big sister.”

Intro to Thankfulness

Every year I watch people use the month of November to name the things they’re thankful for each day.  Obviously being thankful is something that should be a day to day, moment to moment emotion. So in one respect listing the things you’re most thankful for during the month of November seems a little cliche. However, I do think it’s a great opportunity and even discipline, to stop and really consider what our hearts are thankful for.  ..and perhaps what they’re not.  Having to daily sit down and tell about a specific blessing- or even challenge- in our lives that we give thanks for might just give a fresh perspective. 

I decided that this year the girls and I would do something similar. In our house we talk a lot about having a thankful heart. The girls are big enough to understand the holiday of Thanksgiving beyond the turkey and stuffing. Despite their answer when I asked them this morning, they understand that it’s a day to be thankful for all our blessings. To really dive in with them, I will have the girls also tell what they are thankful for each day and I’ll add that to my blog.  Knowing my children, this could be pretty interesting.

Me- “What is Thanksgiving and why do we celebrate it?”

Lorelei- "It means that winter is here and Thanksgiving is when you celebrate being thankful for chicken and stuff."

Addison- "Snow! And after Thanksgiving it means we are moving to Hume Lake!"

Clearly we're off to a fantastic and well grounded start.  Umm... what?