imagine that

Someone asked me if its tough to help my children differentiate between make believe and lying.  In all honesty, I have to say no. I know that some parents dread their child's imagination for this very reason. I remember reading an article once where a mother wrote in for advice because she was at her wits end in dealing with her four year old and his constant 'lying'. She gave an example of a lie wherein her son came in from the backyard declaring that nobody should go out there because there is a lion! She immediately chastised him for being dishonest. That broke my heart. She had no idea how to recognize, allow, or encourage her son's imagination. I think kids have a natural ability to imagine that far exceeds what most adults are capable of. To us, our limited ability easily blends in with untruths because we are so lacking in true imagination. We merely "imagine" while children IMAGINE. We steal from untruth to create a very impaired and artificial means of true and actual imagination.  For little children, their make believe world is so big and infinite, it's almost not a choice. Lying, however, is a very distinct choice. 


Very few things make my heart as happy and joyful as a child who knows how to imagine and play make-believe. It's unfortunate when that ability is often snubbed, either purposefully out of a parent's fear, or accidently out of a parent's desire to pacify their child with something like video games and TV for hours on end.  When I see a young little person using their brain and creativity to play, I think it's beautiful. 


So its very proudly that I tell you about Addison and her imaginary friend, Clarabell. Clarabell popped up in conversation one day several weeks ago and has been ever present since. I absolutely love it! First Clarabell lived in Yew Nork. Not to be confused with New York, mind you. Totally different place. She has a mom who's name is Saeji, and a cat named Sayer. She moved here to town from Yew Nork to be close to Addison so they could play all the time. They love the same books, the same clothes, the same foods, the same toys. And they are both excited about preschool this fall.  Addison talks about her all throughout the day and tells us what Clarabell has been doing, and when they plan to get together to play next.  It is so fun to watch her come up with this entire make believe world. The most fun part is that Clarabell doesn't exist within any limit of age, or space, or time. One minute Clarabell is a grown up, and the next moment she is three, just like Addison. 


The thing I find most interesting about all this imagination stuff is how greatly it exaggerates the differences in children.  Lorelei is just the opposite of Addison. She likes to live in a very real and very controlled world. Her imagination only reaches as far as reality does. For instance, when she plays house, only things that can happen in real life can take place in her make believe. Addison will say something like, "and pretend I had a baby and it's a puppy named Patrick." Lorelei won't allow it because people don't have puppies. They have humans. So while she is all about pretend and make believe, it's much different and more reality based than Addison's. 


Watching their two worlds collide is fascinating as it brings out and shows so clearly how each of them operate.  I often have to stop Lorelei from correcting Addison's pretending. When Clarabell goes from being a mom with three kids who was at the dentist with us, to a child driving in a car next to us, Lorelei corrects Addison. "No, that's not possible. She can't be a grown up AAAND a kid at the same time!" I can't count the times I've said, "Lorelei, it's okay. She is pretending, and that's just fine. She can pretend anything she wants."


 Encouraging Lorelei to pretend right along with Addison was my goal. And it seemed to be working. She was getting more and more involved with Clarabell and would ask Addison all sorts of questions about her. Then laying in bed the other night Christopher and I were talking and he said, "You know, Lorelei isn't trying to pretend with Addison. She's not trying to allow and encourage Addison with the whole Clarabell thing when she asks her all those questions. She's totally trying to stump Addison and corner her into admitting Clarabell isn't real. Think about it."  He is totally right. Clever little Lorelei finds Addison's out of the box imagination to be nothing more than a challenging go of entertainment. Without a doubt. Awesome. While I have to secretly give Lorelei credit for her tactics, I suppose the important thing is that Lorelei has learned that everyone pretends differently. She is understanding that it's not possible to control the whole world.. especially someone else's imaginary world. 


All the same, even though they pretend in totally different ways, I am so thankful they can play make believe together. I love so much that they spend hours every day going from one pretend world to another. Sometimes they're puppies, sometimes they're mother and daughter (and lucky me- I get to be grandma!), and sometimes they're doctors and patients. I think it's awesome that they have one another as they learn to imagine and sharpen one another's creativity. 


I sure love my little girls! I even love little Clarabell for all the fun she's brought to us.  ♥  ;)