a little look back, shall we?

One of the first questions we got asked about our pregnancy was why we waited so long to announce that we were having a baby. I didn’t feel like 16 weeks was all that late in the game, but it seems more and more often people announce their pregnancies at week 5 or 6. I guess that makes us a little weird for waiting. The thing is, after so many miscarriages, announcing that you’re pregnant is the last thing you want to do because the fear is always there that you could lose the baby. Dealing with a loss like that is hard enough without having to go back to everyone and explain it. Especially when you add in having to deal with the sympathetic looks, typical Bible verses that in that moment seem too cliche to have any other purpose, and worst- the few people who don’t know what to say and thus never stop talking rather than not say anything at all. They’re the worst! Event hough we had never announced any of our previous pregnancies, people were always nosey and some figured it out and spread the word for us (thanks, again for that). It really did make losing each baby harder and harder with every person we encountered. 

So when this little baby came along, though I felt confident that God had destined him to be ours forever, and God was building him cell by cell to be a healthy little person- that fear and hesitation was still there. Part of me wanted to wait until viability before we told a soul. And an even crazier part of me wished it were realistic to not tell anyone until he was born! But with that thinking, why not wait until he’s ten? We didn’t really set a time when we would tell... we just took it week by week until we both felt comfortable with letting the cat out of the bag.

Though fear played a role in our hesitation to announce, there was also a much (MUCH) more exciting reason to keep our news a secret for a while.  The Tilley family as a whole was about to grow by one more little person! We were so excited for John and Alex to be having their first baby (Even if they tried killing us with anticipation by not finding out the gender!). As their pregnancy went further and further, we got more and more excited for them and everything that little baby was going to mean to our entire family.  While we were shocked and thrilled to finally be expecting a baby of our own, I really felt just as excited for them. We didn’t want to do anything to take the attention from where it should be. After little Trey was born, we just enjoyed getting to buy things for him and shop for him without feeling like our pregnancy and baby were a factor.

A lot of other questions were asked, but most of them weren’t directly asked to us. They were asked ‘about’ us to other people. We expected that though. I know it was shocking for most people to hear that we were pregnant. After all, as far as they knew we couldn’t have kids. Fair enough.  Most couples that ‘cant have kids’ actually can. They just can’t do so naturally. And that’s the boat we were in. It was totally possible all along, and we knew it. It just wasn’t likely to happen the easy way. I think a lot of people fail to realize how many fertility solutions exist. One of the things we looked into a few years ago was something called Snowflake Adoption. Did you know you could adopt embryos? Yes, embryos! And you can have them thawed and transfered into your uterus- and actually carry the pregnancy like any other pregnancy in the world. And give birth just like any other mom? Only, at the end of the day, the baby you gave birth to is actually adopted. I still think that’s incredible! Obviously, that’s not the route we chose in the end. But it’s an example of outside of the box thinking that never occurs to a lot of people.

As a result of that, our close family members and friends got asked a lot of strange questions. And since very few people asked us personally, I got to sit back and watch the show. I found it really entertaining. My favorite ones were the socially awkward ones. One person who has never been particularly close with any of the family was asking Christopher’s mom if the baby was conceived with Christopher’s “stuff”. I felt bad for them that they would be so awkward. I don’t know, but I would feel really embarrassed to ask someone’s mother about her son’s “stuff”! But, I guess if you’re curious, you’re curious.

The other thing that was brought up by a few people was whether or not we felt like we were playing God by using fertility treatments to have a baby. This was a fun one for me to tackle.  I guess I could see where they’re coming from to some extent. But if you think about that for just a second, how can you not realize how absurd it is to think that way? Yes, we have fertility problems. That’s not the same as God coming down from the clouds and saying, “I forbid you to have children!” It just means we have a different path to take in order to get there than some people. The phrase, “Well, if God wanted you to have kids He would give them to you.” was said often. And I agree.. if God wanted us to have kids, He would give them to us. Lorelei and Addison are a great example of that, don’t you think?  They didn’t just land in our laps. We put forth a lot of time, effort, money, dreams, determination- you name it. Just as clear an example is this little boy growing in my womb.  To say that I’m playing God by taking hormone injections, is to say that hormone injections are bigger than God. If that’s the case, I feel bad for your decision to serve such a small god, first of all. The thing is, if you apply this theory to one area of life, you have to be able to apply it to all areas of life. Getting to work can be a challenge. But not so much if you have a car. However, if God wanted you to get to work, wouldn’t He get you there? Is driving your car ‘playing God’? When you get an ear infection you take antibiotics to clear the infection. If God wanted your ear infection to go away, wouldn’t He just not allow you to get it in the first place? Is taking medication ‘playing God’? When you get out of the shower and get dressed, is that ‘playing God’? After all, if He wanted you clothed daily, He would do so Himself, would He not? I know those examples sound absurd, but the bottom line is- any failure to utilize simple and moral advancements and abilities that God has given us, is just as absurd. Nothing we were doing guaranteed us having a baby. It increased the odds physiologically and scientifically. God still had to do it all. I think if any of my own solitary efforts could completely create a human being without God’s help at all- I’d be the richest most sought after person on the face of the planet.

Second, we stepped out in faith with this entire endeavor. We felt that God gave us this desire years ago. Not just to have kids, but to carry a pregnancy. Not because adoption wasn’t good enough, but because our family wasn’t complete even after our adoptions and He had a purpose. Having faith in God’s will means that we step forward in the direction we feel God leading us and expectantly await His work. If we knew for certain God was going to bless us with this baby if we took the steps we did, that would be obedience, rather than faith.  While obedience is invaluable... faith is even moreso.